Lack of nonbinary acknowledgement is affecting my health

I’m intersex. Non standard genitals. Times and times again I’m being made to choose to be a man or a woman. My pleas to get minimal hormones just to be healthy are ignored. I’m in medical debt due to dealing with debilitating complications from doctors forcing my body to be either female or male. Letting my body be it’s normal self minus what was causing actual issues was never an option. I’m deeply convinced if nonbinary people were acknowledged this wouldn’t be the case. I’m given zero control. Asking to be put on low dose is ignored. My only option is refusing all hormones and hoping my body will manage. I don’t have natural dysphoria, I get dysphoria from the surgical and hormonal changes forced upon me. I’m tired. Fuck nbphobia.

mjsaber ,
@mjsaber@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Intersex folks definitely have it hard, in a lot of ways harder than the rest of us. Depending on where you live, there may be affirming providers in your area if you know where to look. Please DM me if you need help looking in your area.

I’m sorry you have to deal with this. It’s hard enough to have to seek out medical care frequently, and it’s 10x worse when your identity and needs are ignored. I hope you can find a provider that can provide the kind of care you need.

ThatFembyWho ,

I think one of the goals of intersex visibility and acceptance is realizing you don’t need to be changed. You aren’t broken or defective, even if people often view this as a problem that needs curing. So it’s not just sympathy or support, but as you say, allowing you agency to live your own life and determine your own identity.

Intersex is part of the natural variation of human biology; unfortunately the first reaction of society is to try changing whatever is different, as we’ve seen with failed attempts of conversion therapy for gay and trans people. Forced conformity has a long and destructive history :/

Lamb OP ,

Not all intersex conditions are the same. Some do require medical intervention for you to be healthy, not in pain or else. It should be stressed doctors ought not to force anything besides what is necessary.

ElleChaise ,

Asks for non-binary acknowledgement, gets it in droves, lashes out at people for attempting to acknowledge and understand... You're just a dick.

nixcamic ,

You’re just a dick.

While I agree with the sentiment this does seem like an almost humorously gendered word choice given the context haha

Neato ,
@Neato@kbin.social avatar

For anyone who is unfamiliar with intersex or sexes in general, there was a good SciShow video on it a few years ago by Hank Green.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kT0HJkr1jj4

OP: I'm sorry for everything you're going through and the non-binary phobia you're getting from medical professionals that really should know better!

Franzia ,

What the fuck they want you to be binary trans? For fucks sake. There are more nonbinary trans than binary ones!

voracitude , (edited )

Are they trans, though? They’re not transitioning, they were born with chimerism. Turns out no, on both counts!

Lamb OP ,

I do not have chimerism. I am indeed not trans though.

voracitude ,

Ah, I see. I won’t ask, because you’ve said that’s not cool, but when I did Google it I only found similar to the article I linked. I’ll see if I can find anything else, but if you have paper(s) you feel describe what you’re experiencing and would like to provide link(s), I’d love to understand better. Of course, no pressure 😊

Franzia ,

I assumed based on context that they consider themselves nonbinary. I mean if they say its cisgender then fine I can respect that this isnt a medical transition but rather a medical hormone adjustment because they’re intersex. That is maybe a more accurate medical understanding of their sex and why the OP deserves an accurate hormone treatment.

voracitude , (edited )

Well, “intersex” (the word OP used) is nonbinary, no? And sometimes characterised by “nonstandard genitalia”. I was only aware of the genetic condition though, if OP is in a different situation then I’m completely unfamiliar. Hopefully I can find more to read, or they can provide a link; I’ll update here if I find anything else.

DessertStorms ,
@DessertStorms@kbin.social avatar

Well, “intersex” (the word OP used) is nonbinary, no?

no. Intersex people can be any (or no) gender, just like everyone else, OP happens to be nonbinary.

voracitude ,

Ah, you’re talking about gender there; I was focused on the physical aspect. Derp moment.

Franzia ,

Ngl I appreciate you asking

jasory ,

They claim to be switching back and forth. I’ll leave it to you to decide if this sounds like a medical process or the behaviour of a severely mentally ill person who is blaming others for behavioral swings.

CheeseBread ,

It’s seriously so stupid. I wish people by default didn’t have a gender and got to pick instead of being assigned one at birth. My puberty landed me in the hospital. My sex organs are just completely fucked. I’d been in pain regularly for 13 years, complaining to so many doctors that just didn’t take me seriously. I wasn’t even out as nonbinary the whole time, only the past three years. I got bottom surgery this summer and I don’t take hormones anymore. I used to diy hormones because it’s just too god damn hard to get the prescribed. I asked my GP for a referral to the most liberal doctor that would give me that surgery, but there was a lot of failure before that.

Lamb OP ,

Glad it worked out for you (if I understood correctly - pardon me if I didn’t). I’m currently refusing all hormones as I’ve never felt better. There is practically no information about long-term low hormonal levels, apart from old records of eunuchs who had bone issues. Obviously I don’t want bone issues, but I also don’t want doctors who seem to have no idea what they’re doing giving me different issues and dysphoria.

CheeseBread ,

Keep advocating for yourself. Don’t let anyone convince you that you have to take whatever hormones or have whatever surgery. My transition worked out way better when I found a doctor willing to listen to my troubles and recommended treatment that aligned with my goals. I think surgery saved my life. I had 3 suicide attempts before it and 0 since. The difference in the quality of life is like night and day.

Lamb OP ,

I’m glad it worked for you eventually. It’s really awful we have to degrade ourselves and go around begging for help till we maybe find someone sympathetic. My Transfem enby friend has to pretend to be a trans woman and her transfem enby friend does DIY to avoid having to go through this. It’s all so crap…

Damaskox ,
@Damaskox@kbin.social avatar

Oof
(I don't know anything about this stuff but I'm curious) Why do doctors force you anything? Is it against the law to be nonbinary where you reside?

Lamb OP ,

I’m being vulnerable right now and I really don’t need to be interrogated on the nature of my existence and prejudices I face because of this. You can literally just use a search engine and type in something alongside the lines of “issues faced by intersex people”.

I’m really tired of people thinking people with disorders are encycopledias eagerly waiting to be asked questions, frequently intrusive, over and over, by every person who learns we may have a disorder.

Damaskox ,
@Damaskox@kbin.social avatar

This was a rant then?

Well, some folks want to explain and help understand to share knowledge among people about these issues.
Besides, search engines won't tell me about your experiences.

But it's okay if you don't want to do it 🙂
I'll leave you be then.

systemglitch ,

Yeah but you are posting on the Internet in a forum of discussion. WE ASK QUESTIONS HERE.

Damaskox ,
@Damaskox@kbin.social avatar

True, a very valid point!

I think if a post is meant as rant only, then there's no need to reply to questions 🤔 Not even to say that they won't do question-answering at all.

systemglitch ,

Yeah it’s a real bad look to get angry with people taking the time to try and understand. It now looks more like attention seeking than anything healthy.

Maybe I’m being overly judgemental though.

DessertStorms ,
@DessertStorms@kbin.social avatar

Except they didn't get angry, you just don't like having boundaries set for you by those you see as educational tools there to serve you, not human beings with valid wants and needs.

systemglitch ,

I see anger. It reads as angry and entitled.

good_girl ,
@good_girl@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

You would be angry too if people constantly interrogated you about something that affects you minute to minute.

Maybe it’s just a hard concept to grasp if you haven’t experienced it but having to be the person to inform everyone whenever a topic comes up is insanely tiring.

systemglitch ,

I’d like to point out that she is the one who brought it up.

A shit attitude is a shit attitude, you can forgive it if you like, but it doesn’t change how she is projecting herself.

good_girl ,
@good_girl@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Even if they brought it up you don’t have to interrogate them.

systemglitch ,

Whoose eh.

Damaskox ,
@Damaskox@kbin.social avatar

What comes to my inquiry comment earlier - I asked one question, and I wasn't aggressive.

I feel that you are overreacting.

good_girl ,
@good_girl@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

People don’t owe you civility. Especially not marginalized peoples who are clearly sick of exactly this kind of attitude.

Damaskox ,
@Damaskox@kbin.social avatar

True.

But you can also let the folks know about it in a polite way.
"Oh! Thanks for the inquiry! It's cool that you are interested in this topic! However, in my current mental state and the resources I have I won't be able to satisfy your need for knowledge. Here's a link/read/etc to further direct you to study this phenomenon! Also feel free to ask others here who may have same experiences if you like!"

.

I see no reason to act harsh.

lukewarmtuna ,

It’s quite a large leap to assume how people view others as just educational tools, when they’re trying to engage in discussion on a online discussion board. It’s inherently implied that as a poster, unless otherwise stated in the OP, you are posting to engage in discussion and potentially have questions asked of you. It just comes with the territory of online discussion boards. If you don’t want to discuss or answer questions, just simply don’t post if you’re going to get angry with people engaging with you.

Damaskox ,
@Damaskox@kbin.social avatar

While having a need to share (it can bring some peace), one can also ignore any inquiries one may receive in a thread.
Writing just to themselves can also help though.

In another point of view - it can be difficult to choose a reasonable reaction when overwhelmed with feelings though, I give them that.

lukewarmtuna ,

So then don’t reply or engage after making your post instead of getting mad at people for attempting to be kind and understanding and wanting to learn more about the topic to be supportive. If you want to post to vent feeling and emotions, post and leave it, don’t attack people for seemingly doing what’s being asked of people in the OP

voracitude ,

Hey, I have a question. We’re not supposed to ask if we don’t know and someone brings it up, we’re meant to Google and read, right? So here’s my question, in two parts: does everyone writing about these issues online speak for the entire rest of the community? If not, how exactly are we supposed to know what’s relevant to the experience of the specific person we’re talking to?

See, me, I have a diagnosed disability. It has a couple of different ways of presenting, depending on the sufferer. I have gathered links to academic papers and articles, blog posts, collected memes, etc. that explain aspects of my experience for when people are curious. It’s very useful when people want to know more.

Damaskox ,
@Damaskox@kbin.social avatar

Some folks just rather want to learn stuff in the form of discussion, through someone's experience. (that you cannot find in articles)
While others rather read articles about it. (there you can find science more likely)

Neither option is wrong.
I always rather discuss than delve in articles myself 🙂

Damaskox ,
@Damaskox@kbin.social avatar

While people do have different reasons why they want to have a discussion or ask a question, I would suggest against making automatic assumptions about people who you do not know and their motives, and pointing them out as facts.

Being pessimistic or negative is one thing. Spreading it among people is another.
Also having negative experiences is not a valid reason to lash out at people. Find a constructive catalyst to let the bad feels out instead 🙂

jasory ,

The purpose of the public isn’t to be everyone’s sycophantic therapist.

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