I'm not sure if I've ever been quite at that stage. I've been medicated for the past two decades, so I'm functional depressed. A lot of what causes my depression is situational.
Lately I've found an outlet that has inspired me and given me something to work towards. It's not currently working out too well, but I noticed that it did lift my spirits and helped me to focus on more positive things overall. It's not a magic cure but it certainly has helped.
On the worst days it's the thought of "if I don't do this the people who depend on me will suffer for my inaction." It ducks but I just limp through the day and try to do things to lift my spirits.
Try to not beat yourself up over it all. It doesn't help. I say that but I do it all the time. I just hope that you find something that works for you and I hope we all have brighter days in the future.
so mine is kind of situational, but while I have a really hard time taking care of myself, I'm always able to get up and do things for my dogs. they need to be let out, shown affection (which is also good for depression!), fed, etc. it helps that they like to lay in bed with me and are very forgiving when it comes to timing on, say, when they're fed.
honestly I just think having something to care for in these situations can be very helpful, but it also depends on the person.
Absolutely stupendous quantities of high-quality, full-spectrum light.
Live in a light-box.
There is a circuit which goes from pigmented-ganglia ( black-pigmented nerve-endings ) in our retinas, into our brains.
That sensor-system is rather dull, unlike the rods & cones.
Rig a room's light-switch so that when you flick it, suddenly you're saturated in sufficient light to cross your light-threshold, about 1/2 second later, it's like vital aliveness kicked into your brain.
I've replicated the experiment, and I've gotten others to do it, too.
One non-obvious thing, though:
Because when we're in the dark, we can't remember what it felt-like to have that light-brain circuit activated ( the SAD-treatment lights are intended to cross this threshold: it's the same mechanism ), so therefore, to treat profound, long-term depression, you NEED to get tons of lights onto a timer, & use that as your "alarm clock".
It works.
It'd save many lives, if doctors would admit it is actual, evidence-based medicine, but that'd gut billions of dollars of psychiatric-industry, so .. that won't ever happen.
( dad was a medical-researcher & doctor: I remember the grudge/hatred when the Australian researcher violated psychiatry's established "ulcers are a psychiatric illness" dogma, with evidence showing that ulcers are created by pylorii bacteria.
Paychiatry won't ever do the experiment, they won't admit it works, they won't tolerate anybody claiming it works, etc.
Religion is religion, and my autistic-empiricism has no validity in their reality.
Do the experiment, though, & you'll see that it actually tests to be true. )
I took psych 101 as an elective and I remember the professor talking about this or something closely related to it. Bright light does have an effect on the brain, he said.
Also it's probably part of why looking at your smart phone right before bed is kind of bad for you.
After some back and forth with my mental healthcare provider, for now I've settled on some pills that make me DGAF about staying in bed... but I also DGAF about getting out, so not exactly energy, and I end up like shit after they wear off, but in the meantime anything might happen... I might stay in bed, or not stay in bed, or whatever. It also kind of helps with heavier bouts of depression where I might want to pull the plug... but this way I DGAF either. The trick is to do something, then fall asleep or at least be tired before I start GAF-ing... still working on that, though.
Do you like coffee? It's not fool proof, but I basically bribe myself with coffee. I got one of those coffee makers that you can set to brew at a certain time. I'm much more likely to lurch into the kitchen at some point if I know I have coffee already waiting, if only because I hate wasting it.
ETA I kinda recommend going half-caf if you do this though, because caffeine dependence won't help you in the long term. I'm suggesting motivating yourself with something tasty, not making your heart race 24/7
Regular coffee, though extremely popular, has its down sides. Unfortunately lots of people and scientific research prefer to focus on the pros of coffee. For people who for example need to be careful with dealing with stimuli, it makes sense to drink something else than coffee.
A search engine search for caffeine stress mental health may bring about some less known information about this.
And I know from experience that once you're completely off regular coffee life is different. It may take a few weeks for that.
Have you tried chocolate? Turns out both coffee, tea, and chocolate, have caffeine in them. There are different % cacao chocolates, might be easier to tune the dose, and they come in more flavors... (yay, addiction! 😅)
L-theanine stops the conversion of dopamine into adrenaline. This is why green tea isn't as stressful an experience as black tea or coffee. You can buy l-theanine tablets all over the place. I take one with coffee every time and that has resovled the issue of coffee stressing me out.
If you're in the UK (and I suspect you're not, but I post this partly to help out others in a similar situation), the NHS have a "Talking Therapies" service for depression and anxiety. You can self refer so there's no need to get diagnosed by a doctor first.
You guys across the pond are so lucky to have the NHS, though I think I've read that the Tories have done their darnedest to destroy it. Two things (at the very least) that should never be run like a business: education and healthcare.
Forget about everything regarding the word "should." In your opinion whatever "should" be happening, whatever you "should" be doing, and whatever you "should" be able to do are all not only irrelevant but directly counterproductive. The disparity of how things are, how you think they should be, and how you lack the ability to reconcile these things however hard you tried is why you're in this mess. Those expectations were probably unfair to you anyway.
Understand that your thoughts are not necessarily true. It's natural to assume the things you are thinking are true because you're thinking them. You actually don't know if your conclusions are correct just because you intuited them. Especially the thoughts generated by a depressed mind should be put to scrutiny. You don't have to lie to yourself and tell yourself things aren't as bad as they are and you absolutely shouldn't even try to do this. The thoughts to challenge are the ones saying it will always be this way no matter what you do or knowing what you know or experiencing what you experienced has made this kind of depression your fate. Your depressed brain doesn't know this for sure however sure it feels. I used to believe these thoughts and I haven't had reason to for a long time.
Starting over sounds way worse than it is. The way you were approaching things until this point put you on the path which lead you into this depressive episode. Whatever brought you to this point is clearly not serving you or anyone else and can't continue. This may take some therapy, acid, or mind-journeys to figure out, but you may be able to cease or greatly mitigate the situation by making major life changes. Whatever you're afraid of by making these significant changes, your present situation (bedridden with depression) is worse than anything that can happen when you start fresh doing things differently. Nothing could be worse then being unable to move and wanting nothing more than death to free you. Nothing about this state is natural, and although aggravated by the outside world, is also majorly influenced by your interaction with the world. It's fully possible to get different results by doing different things or even dropping worthless self-destructive thought cycles.
Put yourself under the sun. Advising any kind of physical activity to someone whose depression is so severe they can barely move is silly. That kind of thing is further down the line. For now, you just need sunlight. It helps. Everything above is much easier to do laying motionless on the ground under the sun than it is in your dark bedroom.
This kind of depression sucks hard, I'm sorry you're having to go through it right now.
I need to keep things new or hopeful, so trying new systems, new supports like therapy, or arrangements with friends to do a little work and exercise. DBT has a lot of small things that help https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/.
Systems I've tried:
On/Off days: I can push and try to be normal, and expect it will make stuff harder the day after and probably crash
Straight outta the house: work from a coffee store instead of home esp if I feel laggy
Improve the moment (dbt) I'm going to stay in bed, what are two things I can do to feel less shitty while I do, usually this is take meds, drink water, pee.
do something different, I was depressed as hell and not leaving bed more than a few times a week and kinda decided to try standup, going and watching gave me a lot of inspiration and realized these people aren't that great. I've moved onto Improv, but a lot of the people I met there keep popping up
Choose a depression station, maybe a chair that isn't bed or a relaxing couch. This video has some good ideas on maintaining mental boundaries if physically isn't possible. https://youtu.be/snAhsXyO3Ck?si=bgJ6xhT2VfxbvM7x I like how it suggests to think of the hygiene of your different stations.
I still have down times, and still using a tonne of supports. But happy to talk about it as it's shit and not fun for anyone.
When things are that bad, attending to the urge to pee combined with a strong addiction to tobacco are probably the main things.
As one can postpone the former for several hours and the latter indefinitely, end up coaxing myself to get moving on one with the promise of the other.
Then the cigarette makes me feel much thirstier, so this motivates me to make a cup of tea. Besides, at that point am already up and half way to the kitchen, so it seems less daunting.
Getting low on tobacco is usually a good way to shove myself out of the house, and that means a good wash. Running out completely can be disastrous unless already showered & dressed, however with rollups can usually scramble together a final cigarette from unburnt tobacco in old butts & use thin notepaper if out of rolling papers.
Isn't ideal, but is what it is & whether this stuff gets me to the kitchen or out to the shops, other bits & pieces flow from there which might not otherwise.
In general, pushing myself to perform good habits before things get close to bad seems best - sleep, hydration, nutrition, personal hygiene, exercise, housework, etc., but as they all seem to evaporate as possibilities in the blink of an eye, am unsure that they actually stave off much.
🚬Dammit, I knew I should never have quit smoking! 😉 I should run out right now and buy myself some Camel Lights; they're still like $2.50 a pack, right? Ugh, a pack-a-day smoker during college who never drank or had a sip of coffee the entire time. What a weirdo!
There was a study about a large percentage of the population confusing "thirst" with "hunger", which lead them to eat instead of hydrating, which lead to overeating since food has a lower water content (than water, duh), when not also having a high salt content leading to more thirst (in a vicious circle), and being one contributing cause to overweight.
I don't think it's a glitch per se; I used to regularly go only twice a day... until I put a 5L jug next to the PC, would take a drink every short while, and go every maybe 2 hours. Then, when lying in bed after surgery, I had to ask for an extra 1L container because the first one had kind of overflown... so yeah, the capacity is there (fortunately the sheets were all drenched in sweat, so had to ask for a change anyway).