The Onion

SpaceNoodle , in Trump Reflexively Asks Michael Cohen To Silence Michael Cohen

It says a lot about the state of things that my first reaction was a complete lack of surprise.

VulKendov , in Trump Reflexively Asks Michael Cohen To Silence Michael Cohen
@VulKendov@reddthat.com avatar

Not gonna lie, this was a tasty onion.

TropicalDingdong ,
TachyonTele ,

Are there any memes from the movie The Menu? That might be decent too

kamenlady ,
@kamenlady@lemmy.world avatar

Delicious

Linkerbaan , in Israel Accuses Al Jazeera Of Being Mouthpiece For Journalism
@Linkerbaan@lemmy.world avatar

Some of these fanatics at Al Jazeera have even sacrificed their lives for the cause, dying as they carry out acts of journalism that threaten the Israeli government.” Netanyahu went on to defend his administration’s record of rooting out journalism, noting that since the war began in October, around 100 journalists had been killed.

If an israel commits Genocide but there's no journalist around to report on it, did the israel commit Genocide?

TachyonTele , in Israel Accuses Al Jazeera Of Being Mouthpiece For Journalism

Damn. The Onion is on top of shit. Good for them

Stanley_Pain ,

They pretty much hit it 💯 of the time.

shalafi ,

I ate the onion for 3 whole seconds on this one. I'd believe it.

TachyonTele ,

It's not a false headline. This is what Israel did last night.

veroxii ,

"satire" hits harder when the world is on fire.

TachyonTele ,

Quotations for sure. They're literally just reporting.

runswithjedi , in Israel Accuses Al Jazeera Of Being Mouthpiece For Journalism

I'm having difficulty picking out what's true and isn't.

SpaceNoodle ,

All of it, it's all true

deadbeef79000 ,

The closer a lie is to the truth the better the lie. Sometimes the truth is the best lie of all.

NOT_RICK , in Twilio cofounder Jeff Lawson appears to have just bought The Onion
@NOT_RICK@lemmy.world avatar

When asked whether he had purchased The Onion, Lawson played coy. "What's The Onion?" he replied. Then, "What's a Tetrahedron?"

Business Insider was unsure how to respond to these questions.

Lol

biscuitswalrus ,

I'm not sure what to read into tho whole article, it reads like an onion article from a normal place.

Maybe it's me taking the crazy pills today.

NOT_RICK ,
@NOT_RICK@lemmy.world avatar

I think it’s a legit article crafted in the style of an onion article due to the topic

A_Union_of_Kobolds , in Bring out the rule book

Without rulers, not without rules ;)

GBU_28 ,

They're being a ruler is the joke

MotoAsh , (edited )

Who enforces the rules if they exist? There is a difference between ruler and enforcer. The fact I have to point this out is sad.

AdmiralShat ,

Yeah one is a person, the other is a boot of that person

MotoAsh ,

The fact you still do not understand the difference between rule maker and rule enforcer is pathetic. Anarchy is literally beyond your comprehension.

Rules HAVE to exist. In some form. They HAVE to be enforced in some form. If you assume any enforcer is a boot of a "ruler", you are literally missing the entire point.

ThatWeirdGuy1001 ,
@ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world avatar

No I think you and most anarchists are.

The moment you create rules and create enforcers those enforcers become the rulers.

If they have the power to enforce rules then they have higher authority and therefore status.

Don't get me wrong I love the concept. The problem is the concept completely ignores that humans naturally develop hierarchy. We won't deliberately pick the roles they'll just naturally develop over time.

MotoAsh ,

Enforcers only become rulers when they're given both immunity and the ability to make shit up.

The fact you fundamentally do not understand the difference between rule maker and rule enforcer is pathetic.

If you like the concept, then maybe understand how it's actually supposed to function. Rules HAVE to exist. Enforcers HAVE to exist. How do you do that fairly? Yes, nature has tendencies, which is why humans create rules and enforcers to resist natural tendencies.

Humans are supposed to be GREATER than "dumb animals", yet all I ever hear is people whining about how it it's unnatural... NO SHIT!! That's the entire point!!

In nature, the strong eat the weak, the end. Game over. We need to create rules and enforcers to make a better environment than is natural. Creating rules requires at least a temporary "ruler" (that doesn't 'have' to be a single person). If you claim ANY ruler is ALWAYS bad, you are quite literally forgetting how not-nature works in its entirety.

Sanctus ,
@Sanctus@lemmy.world avatar

How do you keep the enforcers from becoming the rulers? Who enforces the enforcers? Other enforcers? What's to stop them from banding together just like cops do now? Eliminating hierarchy requires many other conditions be met to not just turn into authoritarianism or something similar.

MotoAsh ,

Yes exactly. That's why anarchy is a little more complicated than, "lol no rulers".

melpomenesclevage ,

Almost like the world we live in is thoroughly fucked and we need to change a lot to make it not suck, and if it were easy somebody probably would've done it by now?

queermunist ,
@queermunist@lemmy.ml avatar

Rules HAVE to exist. Enforcers HAVE to exist.

Yes, that's the fundamental contradiction of anarchism. Rules need rulers.

MotoAsh ,

Anarchism IS NOT about "no rule makers". It is wholly about JUSTIFIED AUTHORITY, not NO authority.

Meatballs ,

Can you cite a source that says this that isn't Wikipedia please? Or are you just making it up to fit your own personal beliefs about the subject

Or are you just going to continue to call people stupid without backing anything up, huh?

Meatballs ,

So you're not willing to cite a source? Typical for your types

MotoAsh ,

Oh look, nothing but an ignorant, obstinant attempt at an insult. Maybe you'll get one when you prove to be smarter than a triggered 11 year old.

Meatballs ,

Lol, okay so this is how you respond when asked for a citation on something you made up

Tells me everything I need to know about you

Can you tell me how asking for you to cite something is a bad thing? Or are you gonna throw another temper tantrum. And you say I'm the triggered 11 year old, but really dude, look at your comment. It's either a low effort trolling or someone so dense they are incapable of self reflection

melpomenesclevage ,

Do they? Why?

BarrelAgedBoredom ,

Mutual Aid: A factor of Evolution

Rules don't have to be enforced if everybody makes the rules and agrees to follow them. A society built on cooperation, free association, and consent is possible.

Your conception of "natural tendencies" and "the strong eat the weak" smacks of social darwinism. Social darwinism is pseudoscientic bullshit.

You're wrong, plain and simple

MotoAsh ,

You are beyond stupid if you cannot fathom how my explanation of nature was to SEPARATE out the good intentions of societal rules ... right? The fact you take an allegory literally is just pathetic communication skills. Try to understand what I'm saying, not what some sub-selection of my words returns you from Google...

BarrelAgedBoredom ,

Do you have empirical evidence that societal rules are borne of good intentions and not complete fabrications, made up entirely to suit the needs of those in power? Social organization (including rules) are a human concept that are malleable and changeable. Can you prove that enforcement is needed to have a functioning society? You're so confident in your assertions, how about you put up some proof behind it?

Your allegory is used by social darwinists. It's a bad allegory. If it doesn't accurately convey the sentiment you were attempting to express it's your own fault. Write with intent and be precise

melpomenesclevage ,

More than wrong, second order wrong, drawing the wrong bad conclusions from ideas that are themselves nonsense and wrong. So they have to reconsider not only a conclusion, but fundamental ideas. Its a big ask, I'm not sure its worth the interaction.

queermunist ,
@queermunist@lemmy.ml avatar

If you refuse to take power, someone else will.

melpomenesclevage , (edited )

Look at it from an information theory (applied to organization it's called systems theory, cybernetics, or scientific management) perspective: when you put one guy in charge of too much stuff (and let's face it; its usually gonna be a guy, because misogyny ud a feature not a bug of these systems), you have to compress all the data coming to him, and all the orders will be based on increasingly shitty abstracted models as you try to make him in charge of more stuff. Even if that guy is the absolute best, he literally cannot have good information, and the more fine grained his control, basically the more its just a crap shoot.

So yes. Centralized authority is bad, and it can be proven with math. You can try to hedge it, you can try to optimize it, but its got a fundamental flaw, not just from a moral perspective, but a mathematical one. Please don't make me look up the actual numbers; I'm on mobile.

BarrelAgedBoredom ,

Got any reading suggestions for systems theory for people with little/no academic background? I want to read into it but people usually link college textbooks for advanced classes lol

melpomenesclevage , (edited )

So you should probably understand at least the idea of information theory, 'the information: a history, a theory, a flood' is a great conceptual explain/primer/pop-sci book on that.

'Seeing like a state' is a little specific, but its specific about this idea.

BarrelAgedBoredom ,

I'll check that out, thanks. Funny you mention seeing like a state, I just finished it last weekend. I was kind of getting that vibe from it, having watched/listened to stuff about complex systems before. But Ive been intimidated by the nature of most writing on complex systems

melpomenesclevage ,

It can get pretty dense; any field with con Neumann involved does that.

Theres a podcast called 'general intellect unit' about this stuff. Also has book recommends.

BarrelAgedBoredom ,

Oh, tight! I'll give 'em a listen. Cheers!

MotoAsh , (edited )

I AM NOT DEFENDING CENTRALIZED AUTHORITY!! Holy fuck, you idiots literally cannot understand the concept that distributed authority is still authority....

melpomenesclevage ,

And theres no way to counterbalance or fix or even mitigateany of this, i know because i just thought about it for almost an entire half of a second!

Obviously theres no way to do maintenance or draw someone back in from shitty behavior other than shooting them. Obviously theres no way to get someone to chill out other than shooting them. There are no human behaviors; ingrained or learned, that could possibly fix any of this or serve as levelling mechanisms.

Unfortunately, we can't stop things that 'happen naturally' and so we shouldn't try, and that's why I'm against the criminalization of murder and rape, and honestly pretty eager to die of cancer.

so therefore we must have massive globe spanning potentially apocalyptic decades long pissing matches and everything must be grinding the weak into dust and delusional assholes totally disconnected from any material concern making the worst possible decisions must make every decision for everyone, even if it literally ends all life by ruining earth.

AdmiralShat ,

Still dont? I just got here you dweeb

MotoAsh , (edited )

Yet you're willing to mouth off with ignorance despite, "just getting here". Fucking pathetic. Do better.

AdmiralShat , (edited )

Cringe, honestly dude all your comments tell me you're 14. I just joined the thread with one comment and you start hurling insults. Actually child like behavior.

You literally said anarchism is beyond my comprehension despite it being one of the hardest to define political terminologies. YOU don't even know what it means because it means 100 different things to 100 different grouos of people

One day you'll get a 2 in front of your age and feel embarrassed about how fucking idiotic you make yourself look all the time.

umbrella ,
@umbrella@lemmy.ml avatar

how can an enforcer not become a ruler?

MotoAsh ,

By not having immunity from equitable rules and by not having the ability to just make shit up and arrest people for it?

This isn't rocket science. Enforcers CAN be subject to rules too, regardless how much US police are not.

melpomenesclevage ,

That's delusionally.... Both optimistic and pessimistic at the same time?

MotoAsh , (edited )

It's only delusional if you assume what kind of enforcer I would approve of.

melpomenesclevage ,

But you don't really get to choose. That's kind of the point.

MotoAsh ,

Not talking about the real world. Talking about what anarchists would want. Not what they'd get.

melpomenesclevage ,

You don't even understand the premise of what youre talking about and I'm too tired to try explaining to someone who probably doesn't want to know.

MotoAsh ,

You all the ones confusing rule makers with rule enforcers, yet you accuse me of not understanding. Stop being so fucking dumb and maybe your claims of me not understanding would have any merit.

melpomenesclevage ,

Again, youre so completely missing the point.

MotoAsh ,

I am the one making the point, moron.

melpomenesclevage ,

Okay hon. I don't feel like I need to read anything else you write.

melpomenesclevage ,

Oh my god dude books have been written about this stuff, youre not actually asking a question; youre trying to excuse tyranny by saying theres no other option.

MotoAsh ,

I'm not excusing tyrrany by simply saying anarchy is not when zero authority. Fucking grow up.

melpomenesclevage ,

fucking grow up

No thanks.

Ultraviolet ,

The game itself only exists while its rules are being followed. They don't need to be externally enforced, the collective agreement to play the game implies agreeing to its rules.

MotoAsh ,

That is so fucking stupid when talking about laws... Murder doesn't magically become legal just because someone actually did it...

shneancy ,

in the game of society, participating in society means you agree to the current "rules" of the "game" (laws). And one of those rules is murder -> jail

MotoAsh , (edited )

Yes and who puts them in jail when the murderer doesn't want to go? An enforcer. God, you morons are being led to water and then shitting in it... Holy fucking pathetic.

shneancy ,

I was talking about the society as we live in now, since you decided to create a metaphorical connection between board games and reality. I didn't mean to comment on whatever else you thought people are talking about

MotoAsh ,

Police still don't make up laws. Regatfless of how offensive qualified immunity and the police union are, police still do not write law.

melpomenesclevage ,

Yeah but we can't use it; it's why lots of anarchists like wh40k but none of us can play it.

GBU_28 ,

Just be Orks, its the closest to what a freshly developed anarchy would be... Power vacuum, warlords, etc

melpomenesclevage , (edited )

Jesus you can't even take me joking about myself, hierarchalists are so intensely actively too fragile and vicious to be any fun.

GBU_28 , (edited )

Nothing I said is wrong.

Orks are lots of fun

shneancy ,

anarchy =/= anarchism

GBU_28 ,

Yet to be demonstrated

shneancy ,

look up the definitions mate, those are simply different things

GBU_28 ,

I'm aware that's how they present in the dictionary. They are the same in real life.

Attempts at anarchism always result in anarchy and as I said, power vacuums etc.

Edit After the vacuum, a new hierarchical system presents.

imgcat ,

That's why you don't follow grammar rules

TimewornTraveler , (edited )

Nuh uh! They're participating in lively debate through which all parties can come to a ruling by consensus! They're just really good at it. Um, what's a ruler again anyways? 🤔

Flax_vert ,

Then who enforces the rules

Valmond ,

There will be like an invisible hand ...

JayDee ,

Everyone.

As opposed to disciplinary action carried out by a central authority, rule breakers just get slapped by every community member in a revolving door fashion.

Flax_vert ,

Are there criminal records? Are they kept on decentralised ledgers like crypto?

JayDee ,

You use the old ladies on the balconies. They see everything.

Or whatever means you wanna do, there's no hard and fast rule on how the system is structured - just that hierarchies be limited and only exist as long as necessary, and authority remain as evenly distributed throughout the community as possible.

DragonTypeWyvern ,

Old ladies on balconies, or any form of social enforcement of traditional laws, are known for being fair judges of character, egalitarian, impartial in their rulings, and open to people being themselves.

Subverb ,

That's social libertarianism. Doesn't work any better than fiscal libertarianism because you have to trust that everyone will put aside their own best interests and work for the group as a whole.

Even if the majority of people do it, It only takes a few outliers to crash the system and become dictators.

JayDee ,

I think you're assuming I mean "there are no fast and hard rules, period", when I mean "the structure of each group is mostly up to what the internal community decides is best".

There is no system that is perfect, but we've had the entirety of human history to show that authoritarian systems are consistently bad for the humans, like flesh between the cogs. I'd much rather a web of communities in solidarity and negotiation, using their collective knowledge to forge onward.

Zorsith , in What Reddit Users Can Expect Now That The Company Is Public
@Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I for one welcome the sexual harassment from the Cheez-It brand.

RamblingPanda ,

Huh, we have very different expectations regarding our free time experiences.

itsgroundhogdayagain , in Honoring National Insurrection Day: ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Jan. 6
clay_pidgin ,

Thanks for that.

Australis13 , in Conservative Religious Parents Who Banned Harry Potter Books in the 2000s Now Wholeheartedly Embrace J.K. Rowling

I didn't even register this as satire until I opened the article. The headline is just too believable.

pdxfed ,

I was a full paragraph in.

TheLowestStone ,
@TheLowestStone@lemmy.world avatar

I’m still not 100% sure it is satire.

RickyRigatoni ,
@RickyRigatoni@lemmy.ml avatar

Not believable at all because I’ve seen it with my own eyes and know it to be true.

winterayars ,

I mean it’s not wrong.

graeghos_714 , in Conservative Owns the Libs by Paying $4,000 a Month for His Ford F-350

My son has a Mazda 3 hatchback and is often bringing stuff to work sites because the guy with the big truck and the bed cover can't fit tall boxes in the bed

eatthecake , in Every Gang From “The Warriors” Ranked by Our Conservative Uncle’s Fear of the City

I saw this movie on tv when i was about 8. It was an unforgettably weird experience. Would recommend.

istanbullu , in Conservative Owns the Libs by Paying $4,000 a Month for His Ford F-350

I don't understand why people buy pickup trucks. Unless you are a handyman or something.

cordlesslamp ,

When I was a teen, I think pickup looks super cool and would definitely buy one if I could.

Now as a more practical adult, I don't think I'll ever buy a pickup because I have no use for them and there's a lot more downsides to it (higher tax in my country, higher maintenance, bigger footprint, lower fuel efficiency). But I still think they look cool.

UnfortunateDoorHinge ,

Most vans have a greater payload than a lot of 4 door duel cabs, they offer more storage, more security,a lower loading floor height, more accessibility with side access and greater resale.

But yeah gotta get my Chevy.

skyspydude1 ,

There are certainly practical reasons for them, like if you do a lot of ATVing, you can negate the need for hauling it in a trailer and just drive it up into the bed. It can definitely be nice to have a truck bed for certain things, but many people buy trucks for stuff they do once a month (if that), and not something they do every day, like commuting.

Test_Tickles ,

As a homeowner there are shit ton of times that it is really nice to have a truck. There are a lot of things that I would prefer to throw in the back of a truck rather than the back of a van, SUV, or car. Dangerous chemicals, gas cans, gas equipment, anything that might be bug infested, anything that is significantly cheaper by the truck load (mulch, dirt, stone, ect.), anything loaded by heavy machinery, anything that won't fit in a van (furniture, appliances, ect), things that stink, things that are muddy, ect, ect, ect.
And if I had the money to have a spare vehicle, I would probably get another truck. But right now a minivan hauls a lot more people and I can do most of what I need with it and a small utility trailer. But don't think that the utility trailer isn't a huge pain in the ass all by itself.
When I was much younger, it was fairly typical that when a family needed a 3rd vehicle for their kids, they would buy a cheap beater of a truck for the kids. The trucks were slow, could take abuse, limited the number of other idiots you could pack inside, and had all the utility of being a truck when you needed it.
The problem is that those kids got used to having a truck. It became a personal image thing. Trucks got faster, the ride improved, they got not just more comfortable but fucking luxurious inside. They went from utility vehicles to overpriced status symbols.
Even worse is that the same shit is happening with minivans. I went to buy another minivan this year and they are not only all luxury lined on wheels, but there was a shortage and they wanted more than MSRP for the stupid thing. They had plenty of every other vehicle on the lot, but they can't make minivans fast enough to meet demand.

exocortex ,

I read somewhere that farmers have started to buy very tiny Japanese pickup-trucks, because for most of the work they have to do during their day these small ones are much more practical. But American car manufacturers only make these oversized mob atrocities anymore, so the only solution is these Japanese ones.
In size they're basically these little busses where there's no space between the two front seats.

the_third ,

Handymen around here drive transporters like this:

https://files.catbox.moe/81ouas.jpg

You can get them slightly lifted and with AWD, I really don't get how a pickup with an open bed is better than that.

mecfs ,

This is the way

Olhonestjim ,

I'd love a cargo van like that, but I still need something to tow heavy trailers long distance, unfortunately.

PrettyFlyForAFatGuy ,

2.2litre turbo diesel doesn't have enough pulling power for you?

Olhonestjim ,

If you've got one that can haul 6 tons over the Rockies, let me know.

BugleFingers ,

I'm in a slightly more....redneck(?) area and the benefit to open bed trucks tends to be things more akin to landscaping, logging, wood and stone moving, and for those with hobbies; moving smaller vehicles (if they don't own a trailer attachment).

Basically the ability to throw dirty things into a hauling vehicle with good suspension on non-paved areas with easy cleaning capabilities.

It comes down to what you're doing is and what is required for a vehicle. HVAC, House work, some masonry or such you could use an enclosed vehicle for sure.

To your point, handymen and tradesmen will usually use a van or similar. And way more people own a truck than actually utilize it for the proper use cases. But there are valid reasons for open bed trucks too

Auzy ,

I used to be a tradie, most of them don't need them either, and unsurprisingly, there are always tradies around whining their tools got stolen from the back of their Ute.

The funny thing is that the biggest badasses I met don't drive these kinds of cars. In fact, I can't recall any guy here in Australia who has demonstrated an ounce of courage who does drive a larger ute, and its generally a reliable indicator imho that they need fashion accessories to impress people.

Also yeah, they always suck at parking. Not because they can't, but simply because they don't care

JasonDJ ,

I saw a giant lifted truck the other day at Home Depot and I realized that these things only really impress pre-pubescent boys.

Ergo, the only reason to drive a giant truck like that is to attract and impress pre-pubescent boys. Can't think of any other good reason for them to exist.

maculata ,

These and every single sports car out there.

Trainguyrom ,

I got my ears blasted by a lifted diesel truck that clearly did something to kneecap their muffler that was...excellerating from stopped in a bank branch parking lot. It was seriously louder than most semis, and significantly louder than most tractors (my father in law restores antique tractors, so I've ridden on several tractors) and could compete with a diesel train with 3 engines lashed together hauling 2 miles of freight up a grade

Oderus , (edited )
@Oderus@lemmy.world avatar

I bought one to tow a 5th wheel RV. Since I sold the RV, I didn't need the truck so I sold that as well. Nothing wrong with owning a large truck.

SwingingTheLamp ,

I think everybody agrees that there's nothing wrong with owning a large truck to use regularly for things that need a large truck. It's when people buy a large truck to haul a 5th-wheel RV for vacation for 2 weeks a year, and then use it as a daily-driver for the other 50 weeks that we mock them.

Oderus ,
@Oderus@lemmy.world avatar

I still don't see a problem with that. Most sportscars are worse for fuel economy and utility but because they're not trucks they get a pass. In the end, what's the problem with letting people drive what they want without judging them? It's just a weird.

h3mlocke ,
@h3mlocke@lemm.ee avatar

Get out of my fucking lane you big dumb asshole I'm just driving down the road and you're big ass truck can't fit in your lane, and then i see you parked like an asshole in a parking spot, just get something that fits on the road

Kalcifer , in Conservative Owns the Libs by Paying $4,000 a Month for His Ford F-350
@Kalcifer@sh.itjust.works avatar

I understand that this article is satire, but people should stop using "liberal" as a pejorative. It really doesn't make sense within the contexts that it's most often used, and only creates linguistic confusion by messing with previously understood definitions.

UnfortunateDoorHinge ,

In Australia the "Liberals" are the centre right capitalist centric party. We do have better terms like social progressives, socialists and social-democrats, but even with this, it's all relative terms. Everyone's different in their own ways.

Kalcifer ,
@Kalcifer@sh.itjust.works avatar

Do take note of the lowercase L in the term that I used. I am not referring to the name of any particular political party that happens to have the name "Liberal". I am specifically referring to "liberal" as in reference to the political science concept of "liberalism".

DeanFogg ,

Wow if you read through that article liberalism suddenly makes a whole lot of sense

Brunbrun6766 , in Every Gang From “The Warriors” Ranked by Our Conservative Uncle’s Fear of the City
@Brunbrun6766@lemmy.world avatar

Topical!..…..?

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