The Onion

Onion Gift Guide: Mother’s Day Gifts For Every Type Of Mom ( www.theonion.com )

Man pivots seamlessly from criticising trans rights as ‘a threat to women’s safety’ to defending Russell Brand as ‘no threat to women’s safety’ ( newsthump.com )

Where the Hell are Ryder’s From Paw Patrol's Parents? ( lemmy.world )

Ryder, the local young leader of the Paw Patrol, has long been a fixture in Adventure Bay. He is often seen gallivanting around town with his high-tech ATVs or overseeing operations in his pup-filled command center. However, recent concerns about his upbringing have left many locals bewildered and wondering where the hell are...

Steve Albini Standing Outside Gates of Heaven Telling Everyone How Much He Hates the Smashing Pumpkins ( thehardtimes.net )

Trump Brags His Brain Worms Are Still Alive and Very Strong ( thehardtimes.net )

17 Days In Incubator Longest Time Premature Baby Will Go Without Being Exposed To Advertising ( www.theonion.com )

Bored Riot Cops Break Up Calculus Class ( www.theonion.com )

Man decides it’s just easier to become climate change denier than waste his life washing out food containers ( newsthump.com )

Doug Ford denounces university encampments after mistaking tents for affordable housing ( www.thebeaverton.com )

Drake Drops New Track Inviting Kendrick Lamar Out To Coffee So They Can Clear Things Up ( www.theonion.com )

“The truth is, Kendrick, I think you’re a sweetie / Does 2 p.m. work, or maybe 3?” Drake raps in his new single titled “I Miss You, Buddy,”...

Israel Accuses Al Jazeera Of Being Mouthpiece For Journalism ( www.theonion.com )

New Texas Law Makes It Legal To Sue Any Woman Whose Weight Fluctuates To Find Out What’s Going On There ( www.theonion.com )

How to Boycott a Company By Talking About How Bad It Is and That’s It ( thehardtimes.net )

Seinfeld slams woke student audiences: “Back when I dated high school girls, they found me hilarious!” ( www.thebeaverton.com )

HOLLYWOOD – With his Netflix comedy film Unfrosted debuting to abysmal reviews, 70-year-old comedian Jerry Seinfeld blames the failure on “extreme left, and PC college campus audiences”, unlike in his heyday, when the teenage girls he dated were fans of his comedy.

Advisors Assure Biden This Will Blow Over Once All Gazans Dead ( www.theonion.com )

‘Bluey’ Praised For Tackling Difficult Subject Of Walking In On Parents During Their Scheduled Weekly Sex ( www.theonion.com )

“We watch Bluey every week as a family, and I tell you, when Bandit sat Bluey down to explain to her that what she saw was just him and Mum doing something the therapist made them promise they’d do every Sunday night at precisely 7:30 p.m., I teared up,”

Local woman convinced that misogyny is no longer a problem thanks to man shouting "Not All Men" every time she talks ( chaser.com.au )

Taylor Swift Begins Day By Playing Video Reminding Travis Kelce Who She Is, How Long They’ve Dated ( www.theonion.com )

Boeing Swears They Just Only Hire Suicidal People ( thehardtimes.net )

‘Sorry I’m Late—These Protesters Were A Nightmare,’ Says Blood-Splattered, Riot-Gear-Clad Biden Entering Press Conference ( www.theonion.com )

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Abuse shelter relocates to a coal mine in hopes of getting government funding ( chaser.com.au )

Tesla Lays Off Entire Team Behind Brakes ( www.theonion.com )

AUSTIN, TX—In the latest round of layoffs for the company’s struggling automotive division, electric vehicle manufacturer Tesla fired the entire team behind brakes, sources confirmed Wednesday. “As we continue to rightsize the Tesla workforce, we have come to the decision that stopping the car is no longer a critical...

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