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ashleyspencer

@ashleyspencer@autistics.life

My name is Ashley Lauren Spencer. I'm an autistic e-commerce entrepreneur, writer, and owner of The Autistic Innovator and Autistic Bookshop, and the https://autistics.life mastodon instance.

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ashleyspencer , to AuDHD group
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

I think it’s safe to assess the results of my poll.

Totaled across 3 social media sites:

583 people voted

I’m autistic / I’m ADHD - 165 votes

I’m autistic / Have ADHD - 360 votes

Have autism / Have ADHD - 53 votes

Have autism / I’m ADHD - 5 votes

There’s no right or wrong answer with how you choose to identify yourself.

@actuallyautistic @audhd

ashleyspencer OP ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

Some said they identify as AuDHDer, and others said ADHDer.

Some choose neurodivergent or neurodiverse.

Whether you use options in the poll or something else, we get to decide what’s right for us individually, and no one has the right to tell us what label we should use. It’s a personal choice.

Thank you for participating.

❤️

@actuallyautistic @audhd

ashleyspencer , to AuDHD group
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

For AuDHD:

Which terms do you prefer to use?

Do you use ‘have’ or ‘I am’ to describe your autism and ADHD?

Personally, I’m the first one and use ‘I am’ to describe both.

Just curious to see how common each one is. 🙂

@actuallyautistic
@audhd

ashleyspencer , to adhd group
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

I had a Rockstar energy drink, coffee, and a small Red Bull can, and it made me so sleepy I passed out for 14 minutes and woke up feeling like I slept an hour.

Energy drinks are supposed to make me functional, not take a nap after 240mg energy drink caffeine + whatever 4oz coffee is.

Damn ADHD lol.

Energy drinks do this to anyone else?


@adhd

ashleyspencer OP ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@CynAq @adhd I feel like if I took stimulant adhd meds instead of my non-stimulant, I’d probably just sleep all the time lol

ashleyspencer OP ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@DrRac27 @337guanacos @adhd I heard about someone with ADHD who was self-medicating with cocaine. Then they went to a psych and asked for stimulants so they could get off the cocaine and got banned from ever getting them. They were the intensely hyperactive type so it mellowed them out so they could hold down a well paying job.

ashleyspencer , to ActuallyAutistic group
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

Any autistic artists who are also book lovers want to create some t-shirt designs for me?

Book loving and writing themes.

It’s for Autistic Bookshop.

30% from the authors book sales alone is nowhere near enough to break even (need 500 books sold a month), so added merch.

Example below.


@actuallyautistic

All I need is my cat and a good book t-shirt in a pink color
I am always writing a story in my head t-shirt in a navy color

ashleyspencer OP ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@H2O @actuallyautistic that’s a good one!

ashleyspencer , to Random stuff
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

I read a post elsewhere where someone said ND people can be brilliant entrepreneurs, scientists, etc and function well in society. And if someone struggles to function means they are disordered and have a developmental disability. Said it as if its either or.

Which is very strange because I’m an entrepreneur and I don’t function well in society.

Am I supposed to be a “brilliant entrepreneur” only and not struggle to function?

And since I struggle it means I’m developmentally disabled? What?

ashleyspencer OP ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

When people talk about how we should give neurodiverse people a chance, the example of we might be “brilliant” is always used.

Why do we have to be exceptional beyond a neurotypical to be taken seriously?

Why can’t we just be good enough at what we do and be taken seriously?

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Nothing makes sense any more. It is $1050/mo for a campsite with an electric hookup and $550/mo for non-subsidized government housing in a converted hotel room with kitchen, tub/shower, and queen bed.

My only guess is that they are earning over $500/mo datamining me through the "free" wifi.

ashleyspencer ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@Uair @actuallyautistic $1050 for a campsite? Jeez. I pay $1300 for my super nice 2 bedroom.

ashleyspencer , to Random stuff
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

I made a part 2 to my Autistic Burnout infographic. :RainbowInfinity:

devxvda , to ActuallyAutistic group
@devxvda@mastodon.ie avatar

@actuallyautistic Got the new Loops Quiet 2, in white, with the new style case complete with optional engraving.

So far so good. The tips are slightly better. Overall a modest improvement. Not a huge upgrade from the old model.

I still miss the Maroon Quiets!

ashleyspencer ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@devxvda @actuallyautistic I have been using the Loops Quiet every night.

Except these damn kids play in the courtyard every evening/night past dark (gets dark here at 8:30pm) yelling and screaming. I had to buy the thicker experience loops to block them out better so I can sleep. Hoping they work.

laxla , to ActuallyAutistic group
@laxla@tech.lgbt avatar

Honest question, @actuallyautistic people:

Do you get stage fear?

ashleyspencer ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@laxla @actuallyautistic in my 20’s I was on stage singing a lot, but haven’t done that in 10 years. I used to really like public speaking (and good at it) pre-brain injury, but my memory is much too bad now to memorize a speech. I tried being on stage 5 years ago and it was humiliating. I couldn’t remember anything I was supposed to do, so it just made me never wanted to get back up on a stage ever again.

ashleyspencer , to Random stuff
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

I made my first infographic. :)

Since I’m going through a bad autistic burnout myself, seems like a good topic to make a graphic about. Might be relatable for someone.

:RainbowInfinity:

ashleyspencer , to ActuallyAutistic group
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

I googled “autism and traumatic brain injury” hoping to find something about living with both at the same time.

ALL the results were studies done to see if TBIs cause autism. 😒

Not one article, reddit post, quora post, was about living with both. Ugh.

@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer OP ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic deranged research preferences is a good way to describe it

ashleyspencer OP ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@Tooden @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic I really don't understand why they just won't accept that it's genetic. It runs in families.

2 of my cousins thought vaccines gave their sons autism. It's like umm you carried the autism genes from our grandfather. His father was probably autistic too. My grandfather's journal letter said all his dad did was spend time tinkering with his inventions.

ashleyspencer OP ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@ScruffyDux @Tooden @actuallyautistic That's like that lady who called me "a grifter". She could not fathom that an autistic person could have a successful business selling to autistic people so I had to be a neurotypical lying about being autistic.

ashleyspencer OP ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@ScruffyDux @Tooden @actuallyautistic The sad thing is she replied to my reply on someone’s post who was really stressed out because they couldn’t access a diagnosis and don’t self-diagnose because people are mean.

I had told the person that I’m as out as it gets and have a business for autistics and don’t have a diagnosis so don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re not autistic when you know you are.

It enraged the lady.

ashleyspencer OP ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@Tooden @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic I’ve developed a philosophy of all it takes is trolling me one time and I block them. Don’t engage just block. I’ve never had to block anyone here on the Fediverse, only on my business social media accounts, and personal Facebook when I blocked my narcissist ex lol

ashleyspencer OP ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@Tooden @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic That’s horrible! Sounds like they were directing their own self-hatred at other people and disappointment when they reached 30 and were still autistic. Awful that a kid would even get ideas like that ingrained into their mind in the first place.

ashleyspencer OP ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@roknrol @Tooden @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic 😂 good philosophy

ashleyspencer OP ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@ScruffyDux @Tooden @actuallyautistic Thank you 😊 And yes, giving a big f*** you to the neurotypical world has been nice haha

ashleyspencer , to ActuallyAutistic group
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

I finally see myself and my business as separate entities.

I’m not trying to be an “influencer” or public figure, I genuinely just want to help autistic people see ourselves in a better way and encourage us to find who we are.

Because so many people have told me how much sharing these experiences and encouragement has helped them, it drives me to want to uplift more of us.

1/3

@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer OP ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

Because so many people have told me how much sharing these experiences and encouragement has helped them, it drives me to want to uplift more of us.

Now that who I am is not enmeshed with my stores, the store awareness created by being on social media is just a separate added bonus, but my focus is on helping us.

2/3

@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer OP ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

Gaining self-worth and self-esteem for the first time transformed my inner world and created a powerful stability I’ve never had before.

I wholeheartedly believe it can do the same for many, if not all, of us.

It’s so hard being autistic, but self-acceptance can bring a sense of peace to our lives.

At least, that’s what I’ve learned through my own experience.

3/4

@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer OP ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

We deserve better than the way we are treated and the way the world makes us feel.

I want to do my best to encourage fellow autistics to feel and know that with all of our hearts.

Self-worth changes a lot.

❤️

@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer OP ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@nellie_m @actuallyautistic That really means a lot to me. Thank you. :RedHearts:

ashleyspencer , to ActuallyAutistic group
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

It wasn’t that long ago when I had zero self-worth and no self-esteem.

It was obliterated by a lifetime of people bullying me because I’m different, but I didn’t know I’m autistic most of my life.

Because I didn’t know, I landed in so many bad situations I blamed myself for getting into. Naively trusting people and taking their word literally. I didn’t know that my autistic default was to forget lying exists.

1/4

@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer OP ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

I’d say things in social situations that would get me mocked and disliked and I didn’t know why what I said was bad, so I just assumed I must be bad.

I have been so easy to manipulate all my life. Because of how I felt unloved all of my childhood and adult years, I was desperate to be loved and thought no one would ever love me. I figured it was because I was defective and my fault, but I didn’t know I am autistic.

2/4

@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer OP ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

Once I broke it down and took the walls down with myself in January, I realized I didn’t know my autistic self at all. It’s been a 5 year long process.

I didn’t even know what I wanted to do with my life until I had been running The Autistic Innovator for 2 years.

I spent so much time pouring all my heart and love into the store, and it was 2 years in that I realized I really love what I do and the community I serve.

3/4

@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer OP ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

All of this to say…

If you are new to your autistic self, please be patient with yourself. You will learn who you are and find the strength to withstand the hardship of existing as an autistic in a neurotypical world.

Remember, even though I’m as out as it gets, it still took me 5 years to know my autistic self.

Tell yourself, “Who I am is good” and “I deserve a happy autistic life” and one day, you will believe it with all your heart.

Much love to you. ❤️

@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer OP ,
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

@krafty @actuallyautistic :RainbowInfinity: :RedHearts: I’m glad it helped. :)

ashleyspencer , to Random stuff
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

I can deal with the trolls and people who take me not having a diagnosis like I personally offended them and committed an injustice. But that’s just nonsense.

Trolls are nothing but an annoying nuisance.

Even without a diagnosis, YOU are valid and don’t let anyone make you feel lesser than because of it. ❤️

I’ve seen so many autistics across social media feel like imposters when they can’t access an autism assessment. They get trolled like I do when I say I’ve never had an assessment. But they don’t deserve that. This is why I’m so vocal about not having a diagnosis. I want to do everything I can to help them feel proud of their autistic selves, even without a diagnosis. :heart emoji:
ALT
  • Reply
    • + KaCi
    ashleyspencer , to ActuallyAutistic group
    @ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

    I did a very autistic thing and bought summer clothes in 2 to 4 packs.

    I am now the proud owner of:

    • 9 capri leggings in 4 colors.

    • 10 of the same tank top all in different colors.

    • 4 bike shorts in different colors.

    • 17 autistic t-shirts from my store in 5 different colors (they come in more colors, I just buy the same colors lol)

    I will officially wear the same outfits every day in various colors when both sleeping and being outside in the heat lol

    @actuallyautistic

    ashleyspencer OP ,
    @ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

    @transponderings @actuallyautistic It was motivation to clean and organize my dresser and closet. I’ve gained to a healthy size so I have to buy all new summer clothes. Packs are much more efficient, and cost effective. Of course, nothing beats ordering 4 more autistic t-shirts as a tax deductible business expense lol

    ashleyspencer OP ,
    @ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

    @ghosttie @actuallyautistic Shirts from the autistic t-shirt collection in my store. All have autistic text stuff on them like “I’m Too Autistic For This Sh*t”. I have 2 of those shirts both in black lol

    https://shop.autisticinnovator.com/collections/autistic-t-shirts

    ashleyspencer , to Random stuff
    @ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

    I’ve been alone my whole life.

    All I’ve ever known is being alone.

    But the autistic community gave me a sense of belonging and a place where I fit in.

    I know how awful it feels to be unloved and uncared for, and as autistics, the world can make us feel that way.

    All I’ve ever wanted is to do my best to create a sense of community and bring fellow autistics together. And the fact I’m doing that is a dream come true.

    So I’m glad we have each other.

    I am truly grateful.

    ashleyspencer , to Random stuff
    @ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

    I feel like I’m finding my voice in the autism community.

    Compared myself to others. There’s the angry accounts, activist accounts, and educators who make infographics and post information about autism.

    I don’t really fit into any of those. But it seems, being transparent and sharing my deep experiences as an autistic person is helping fellow autistics not feel alone. And that’s the kind of love I’ve always wanted to show people.

    So it seems, I may be finding where I fit in. :RainbowInfinity:

    ashleyspencer , to ActuallyAutistic group
    @ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

    I get the “you must be high functioning” often when people ask what I do for a living. I’m really not. I can’t survive in the real world. No amount of accommodations can fix that. I struggle so much socially that I’ve been bullied at almost every job I’ve had. I’ve crafted myself a perfect autistic self-employed bubble where I flourish, because in the real world I don’t.

    @actuallyautistic

    ashleyspencer OP ,
    @ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

    @ScottSoCal @actuallyautistic Agreed. When we can accommodate ourselves we can function better.

    ashleyspencer , to ActuallyAutistic group
    @ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

    I’ve become a recluse who stays at home and only socializes online because in person makes me feel bad about myself. I get bullied and seen as a weirdo, and people think I’m selfish because I struggle so much with asking the right questions. I ask about their interests, which NTs don’t like. I’m a good listener if they just tell me things about themselves, but people like to be asked. Socializing is exhausting and stressful. I prefer being alone all the time.

    @actuallyautistic

    ashleyspencer OP ,
    @ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

    @MxVerda @actuallyautistic it’s probably because I try to find a shared interest so we have something to talk about. Otherwise I hardcore struggle to get to know someone on a personal level. It’s those kinds of questions that just don’t come to me naturally and I’ve never been able to learn.

    ashleyspencer OP ,
    @ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

    @MxVerda @actuallyautistic It’s just a struggle overall to even know what to ask people, so I end up asking nothing or at least trying to find a common interest. I’m great with small talk. 15 min surface level conversations I’m great and can charm people. It made me good at sales. But when it comes to knowing how to get to know someone on a deeper level, it’s super hard for me to know how. People take it the wrong way all the time, so now I just don’t socialize.

    ashleyspencer , to Random stuff
    @ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

    I made a custom emoji for the @autisticbookshop account.

    :AuBook: : AuBook :

    It's a book with an infinity symbol on the cover.

    Feel free to use it https://autistics.life

    ashleyspencer , to ActuallyAutistic group
    @ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

    I'm honestly quite a bit afraid of socializing with neurotypical business owners. Like I'd be so excited to talk to fellow entrepreneurs, and then get humiliated when they think I'm a weirdo or immature.

    I'm very socially inept in person. I get bullied a lot. Allistics think something is wrong with me and treat me as such.

    I've walked away from so many social situations in tears.

    Being by myself with my cats all the time is a lot better.

    @actuallyautistic

    ashleyspencer OP ,
    @ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

    @alexisbushnell @actuallyautistic that'd be great. Thanks!

    ashleyspencer OP ,
    @ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

    @MinervasRefuge @actuallyautistic I've never been good at masking. Exhausted myself trying to be the mask I wanted to be, only to still be treated like a weirdo.

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