@loops@neurodifferent.me cover
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

loops

@loops@neurodifferent.me

I'm an #ActuallyAutistic game programmer. I love design. I'm a particular fan of TTRPGs.

I love to make things, but suffer a big case of new-project-itis. Interests are all over the place.

Not the best at social media, trying to get better at it.

I'm on a journey of (self)discovery, hopefully healing and (self)accommodation.

(avatar from the awesome EFT project - VR Kats by Kazooeybloo https://www.extremelyfungible.com/vr-kats)

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. View on remote instance

loops , to neurodivergent group
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

How can stuff be more accessible for neurodivergent people? I think this gets pushed aside sometimes in favour of more visible accessibility needs

If you run a club or have recurring events, ‘we have a calendar for you to check’ can be a lot less accessible than ‘we run regular events, sign up for weekly reminders / reminders for upcoming events’.

Less need to remember to go check something, on a schedule, to keep up to date, which can be hard for folks with executive dysfunction- among others, those with ADHD. Issues reasoning about time can impact this, too.

It can seem like a style preference or a design choice, but it can be really helpful!

Do you have things you wish people knew could make the world more accessible to neurodivergent people?

@neurodivergent #

loops OP ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@glowl @neurodivergent I really like this idea! I know how much I could use a ‘decompression room’ when I’m out. I don’t always need to just have the world turned down, but when unexpected things add on the top somewhere I could be to recoup myself would help a lot! I hadn’t thought of that ☺️

Pictures also help so much - though I don’t always remember to look for them 😅 menu is the same: when info is available up front it’s much easier, for me at least

loops OP ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@skatorgaytor @glowl @neurodivergent we can hope! Knowing what they are and how to frame them is a good step, small as it is 😅

loops , to autisticadvocacy group
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @neurodiversity @autisticadvocacy

Can you help me out? I’m looking for some sources to share about workplace accommodations for neurodivergent folks, and I’d like to be able to recommend more than the typical big-magazine articles. I’d prefer to share resources that have actually been made by / with ND folks 😅

I know they’re out there. I’ve read them. I trusted my ability to search them back up again too much 😅. Do you have any links you can push my way?

H2O , to ActuallyAutistic group
@H2O@climatejustice.social avatar

UGH, just woke up from a dream where my partner had just quietly broken up with me because of my autism and it getting to be "too much." They were right here in real life and comforted me that they had no such feelings or intentions, but I'm still left with that icky feeling that has followed me throughout my life, that eventually I just wear people out. It's weird how deep the trauma goes. I'm tired. @actuallyautistic

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@H2O
> that icky feeling that has followed me throughout my life, that eventually I just wear people out

I'm so frequently hypervigilant that, I'm gonna be too much for this person, they're not gonna like it and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

I see you. Thanks for putting words on something I needed them to recognise.
@actuallyautistic

hosford42 , to neurodivergence group
@hosford42@techhub.social avatar

Requirements to put in a job description to discourage or filter out autistic people:

  • Comfortable with ambiguity
  • Strong people skills
  • Good culture fit
  • Multitasking
  • A fast-paced dynamic environment
  • Bachelor's degree or better

I see these things and think you don't want my >30 years of programming and machine learning experience, or my problem-solving skills and comprehensive knowledge that had people mistaking me for one of the team's PhDs, or my solutions that have proven patent-worthy. Your loss.


@actuallyautistic
@neurodivergence

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@PurpleStephyr @actuallyautistic @hosford42 basically, judging candidates by any kind of social norm that isn’t actually hurting anyone manners the process inaccessible to autistic people

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@hosford42
> it took so long to gather the experience necessary to prove my abilities to people

As someone struggling with rejection for ‘inexperience’ I felt this too hard. I could prove it, if given half a chance. Just because I can’t show it doesn’t mean I don’t know it 😅

@EVDHmn @actuallyautistic @neurodivergence

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@hosford42 being required to work remotely / from home

@actuallyautistic @neurodivergence

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@marytzu I think allistics are “sign up first ask questions later” - it’s more important to them that you’d want to help than that you know you can, because they expect it to be figured out as they go - which is why they see asking for definitions etc as ‘resistance’. Idk how to smooth it over, that just seems to be where it comes from

@hosford42 @dpnash @actuallyautistic @neurodivergence

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@jeang3nie @Uair all very true when used as a requirement, but I have degrees in a space where they are routinely pushed aside as if they count for nothing.

It’s almost like you should be assessing the skills, regardless of their source 🤯

@mawhrin @hosford42 @actuallyautistic @neurodivergence

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@devxvda *some. There is no one-size-fits-all. That’s why I said ‘being forced to’

@hosford42 @actuallyautistic @neurodivergence

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@hosford42
> It has been my experience that they will expect me to communicate the way they want, rather than meeting me halfway

And then also describe this scenario of you completely communicating exactly as they expect as ‘meeting halfway’, if your experience is anything like mine

@Miname @actuallyautistic @neurodivergence

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@saraislet I think that, for some part of it, they’re ableist in that they pre-empt a non-accommodating environment, and some use this as a way to avoid having to accommodate autistic people.

I’m quite ok with ambiguity - when folks at least admit they’re being ambiguous.

I’m ok with people, actually. Sometimes I need to clarify things and make sure our shared understanding is actually what I think it is. Or explain that my intention wasn’t what you may have interpreted.

I’m ok without structure, as long as my interpretation of how and when things should be done is ok - or that I can negotiate that with my team / manager.

TL;DR: I just need cooperative communicators, who are ok with clarifying questions, patching misunderstandings, and working with diverse people who aren’t “like them”.

If the environment is built around uncooperative communicators who expect it all to be one way, but won’t share that expectation or make reasonable adjustments as an accommodation - well, that is an inaccessible environment for autistic people.

@hosford42 @actuallyautistic @neurodivergence

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@hosford42 for sure; essentially all inclusivity is about flexibility. That’s why it can be such a hard sell to businesses: flexibility requires redundancy, which is inefficient - an aberration that should not be allowed to impact profit

@devxvda @actuallyautistic @neurodivergence

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@polotek There is sometime a disconnect in what people believe "actually required for the role" is.

> Navigating ambiguity is part of the role. Not because it's "good". But because that is how the organization chooses to operate.

It feels a little like you're treating 'required' as 'what is needed for the current reality of the team / company'. Often, myself and other autists (and even more, I'm sure) use 'required' to mean 'what is needed to perform the tasks'.

The ability to navigate ambiguity is usually an environmental factor: the same work could be completed in an environment of ambiguity or non-ambiguity.

Changing the environment to allow the work to get done is what is known as an accommodation.

When autists see "comfortable with ambiguity" on job descriptions, we don't just see a requirement for a skill that is difficult for us to match; if the role doesn't reasonably seem to really need it in the actual tasks, we see a workplace unwilling to accommodate us as we are. A workplace that says "fitting the environment is more important than fitting the work". One where we are likely to be unwelcome.

@felyashono @hosford42

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@polotek Ftr, I really enjoy collaborative problem & solution discovery, too!

My experience of workplaces that claim their ambiguity is "necessary" is typically that managers want something done a certain way, but do not want to have to communicate that. For me, that's not quite the same thing, and can be pretty distressing. It invariably feels like a rug-pull 'gotcha' moment.

> you’re working too hard to thunk you define the terms. You don’t.

I'm not trying to tell you what to think. I'm recognising there's a potential mismatch in what we understand from a concept, so I'm putting my meaning next to what I think your meaning is. I hope the contrast clarifies. I'd rather we disagree on substance than because we thought each other was saying something they weren't.

So, if you like, we can use other words for what I mean. I'll still mean the same thing: "comfortable with ambiguity" can discourage / filter out autistic people that would be pretty good at doing the work as they may get the impression that your workplace is not an accommodating, safe, place for them to work. Or, in short:

> It’s their company. They can define the roles any way they like.

yup, and defining the roles this way is code for "autists need not apply".

> You can ask for it to be changed. But they don’t have to listen.

Not always true. Accommodations are required by law in some places. That's why it's so important to separate environmental elements from things intrinsic to the task(s). Accommodations are adjustments to the environment.

Toy example: writing for a blog. Writers don't need to use a keyboard - they just have to get text into the computer. If writer unable to use a keyboard used dictation to get their work into the computer, and the quality of that writing was the same as any other, mandating the use of a keyboard is refusing to accommodate them. Requiring "Use of a keyboard" on the job ad would be misrepresenting what is actually required to do the job, as it's perfectly possible to do without a keyboard.

> Just like you refuse to conform to everything other people want.

This can be a common, somewhat harmful misconception about autistic - and other disabled - people. Saying 'refusal' might imply choice. Autists choose to interpret the world around them as much as humans choose to have skin. Sure, there might be ways to change that fact but they are extreme and awful for everyone involved.

> stop assuming you’re somehow the lowest common denominator of what people might need at work.

I'm not assuming that. Different people need different things. So workplaces that have different people in them need to be flexible, not just catering to any one person. There's no 'common denomenator' to aim for. The only constant is difference.

> But I think it’s pretty important to change the frame of this conversation.

Ok, fair. How would you reframe it?

@felyashono

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@polotek

> When it happens to you it must be discrimination. But for me it's what? Tough luck?

Nope, it's still discrimination.

It's not zero-sum, mutually exclusive.

I do want to understand, if you're willing to help me. I'm not mad at you. This is the reason I want so badly to understand:

> What I've been trying to say is that there should be options that can work for lots of different kinds of people.

It sounds to me from that, like we agree. At least at some level.

fwiw, history up from where I joined in doesn't include you saying let's forget it. I didn't know that that's what you wanted. Sorry that my ignorance of that made you feel pushed.

@felyashono

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@polotek As a disabled person, I get really frustrated when people reframe something that is a "need" as a "want".

> If this is what you believe, then we do not agree.

You asked me 😅 Yeah, being excluded from something you're otherwise capable of contributing to based on your membership in an unrelated group is discrimination. Maybe it's a fair or unfair quality to discriminate on, and laws and cultures vary, but baseline yeah, that fits the definition of discrimination I know.

I'm sorry but I don't entirley follow how your frustration at linking ambiguity to poor communication is linked to your ADHD.

> you and other folks insist on using a framing that just isn't going to encompass the reality of doing this job.

I don't know what job you're actually referring to, if you mentioned it then it's long ago enough that I've forgotten 😅 I would like to know of what I am accused - what framing do you think I'm using that's so incompatible?

@felyashono

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@polotek an autistic person who is uncomfortable with ambiguity is typically uncomfortable with ambiguity because of their membership of that group.

It’s not a choice.

From my point of view, it sounds like you’re saying something along the same lines as “they didn’t say they don’t want someone in a wheelchair, they said they want someone who can stand on two legs for extended times”.

If it’s a desk job that can be done without standing, then they are excluding wheelchair users based on their membership in that group. Whether or not they intended it to apply to wheelchair users, is irrelevant to the fact that it does exclude them, needlessly so.

@felyashono

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@polotek ok, now it feels like you’re really demonstrating and explaining what you mean, I can see where you’re coming from.

Inclusivity in a workplace starts with the hiring process. A job description that states that “comfort with ambiguity” is a requirement communicates that the workplace is an environment that might not work for an autistic person.

If the workplace could work for an autistic person, that requirement is a failure of communication that the autistic person is going to find a workplace that works for them.

If the work itself, not the environment, requires the comfort with ambiguity, in a way that just cannot physically be accommodated then yeah, that sucks but that’s a good communication of the actual abilities required for the job, and the filter is working.

If the work environment could be rearranged to accommodate the autistic person, but management are unwilling to do so, then that is not a workplace that works for the autistic person. In many cases, it’s an unsafe workplace for an autistic person.

Now, if you want to signal that you run a workplace that is actively unsafe for autistic people (that right there is what I see as discriminatory), then go right ahead and state that you require these things. But be aware that in some jurisdictions, that’s gonna get you in hot water.

But because it can signal that, it’s pretty much going to filter out the first case, too. If you want a more inclusive workplace, it starts with being more inclusive in the hiring process. Maybe you’d have been able to work something out with that autistic person but you’ll never know what they could have brought to your team because you made them feel like your workplace wasn’t a place that could work for them.

@felyashono

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@polotek in that case, no, I haven’t understood you. Are you saying that you don’t think that discrimination in hiring is something autistic people face? Are you saying that a workplace that could, but will not, accommodate an autistic person is not discriminatory in that behaviour?

You’re just kind of telling me we disagree, and that I’m framing it wrong, and I’m not really sure what your stance is.

@felyashono

ImmedicableME , to ActuallyAutistic group
@ImmedicableME@mastodon.online avatar

Just shared two major lists of autism traits in females with someone who is wondering if they’re autistic and crying as I reread all of the things that led to me pursuing an autism diagnosis at age 48, you know, as one does. These lists literally changed my life.


@actuallyautistic

https://the-art-of-autism.com/females-and-aspergers-a-checklist/?subscribe=success#subscribe-blog-blog_subscription-2

https://taniaannmarshall.wpcomstaging.com/2013/03/22/moving-towards-a-female-profile-the-unique-characteristics-abilities-and-talents-of-young-girls-with-asperger-syndrome/?amp=1

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@Jobob I mean, gender itself is a social construct so that makes sense. Many of the presentations as we call them of autism are in reality a strategy adopted to fit in or interface with a social environment we’re not made for - so if that social environment is gendered it makes sense that the strategies are, too. If the society expects gendered behaviour to be based on biological sex, and many of us are trying to fit in with what’s ‘expected’ of us, well part of what is expected is gendered behaviour

@yourautisticlife @ImmedicableME @actuallyautistic

GTMLosAngeles , to ActuallyAutistic group
@GTMLosAngeles@lgbtqia.space avatar

@autistic.me@a.gup.pe @actuallyautistic
The more time I spend focusing on living authentically, the less I feel that there is a singular authenticity for me to live.

I notice myself adopting personas for situations - for a few minutes or a few days and even, if I think back openly, for years on end. This feels different to me than masking, because I feel that I am authentically "wearing" these persona. I am the age, I am the gender, I am the nuerotype of the persona. But none of those things are me. And all of these shifts seem to be connected to social interactions.

For a time, I was resisting the flow into these different personae, because I did not want to feel pulled out of myself - knowing that my shifts were often not temporary. But now I am starting to lean into that feeling and stop trying to control my identity (identities?) for the sake of social connection.

This is my more than one, less than two experience. I wonder if this resonates with any others?

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@GTMLosAngeles I feel a lot of what you’re describing. I’m no longer sure if there’s a “me” somewhere in there, but I’m dynamically different with different people. Different enough that I feel different.

@autistic.me@a.gup.pe @actuallyautistic

BernieDoesIt , to ActuallyAutistic group
@BernieDoesIt@mstdn.social avatar

Can we talk about grocery shopping while ? It's bad enough that my level of supplies changes. My time blindness says I already bought paper towels so I shouldn't have to do that again.

@actuallyautistic

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@BernieDoesIt I don’t mind a repetitive task, say, filling envelopes, for a single session. It’s soothing, calming.

But most of the things that are “mitigating entropy” (chores) are painfully boring and occur far too frequently for my liking. The ideal system for those is one which provides a permanent solution. Alas, one has yet to be forthcoming

@Nuncio @actuallyautistic

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@log oh that talk. I’m familiar. So are a lot of my family. Clearly not yet familiar enough 😅@BernieDoesIt @actuallyautistic

Dr_Obvious , to ActuallyAutistic group German
@Dr_Obvious@chaos.social avatar

@actuallyautistic
If you lived in the 90s there is small chance you never stumbled over the magic eye. These pictures of grainy shapes and colors and if you stare the right way you see something in 3D.

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@Dr_Obvious understanding the reasons why it affects you doesn’t mean we should stop wanting things to be flexible enough to accommodate.

Education on all sides. If there’s a way to construct clothes that won’t annoy anyone (removable tags) vs one that certainly will trigger sensory issues for some folks, I don’t see why we shouldn’t move towards a more inclusive world. If they don’t know, fair enough - but once a manufacturer does know, isn’t kind of wilful ignorance?

Sounds like your mum isn’t super open-minded, shutting you down like that, though.
@actuallyautistic

autism101 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

Let’s talk tags on clothing. I hate them and they annoy me to no end. And even if I cut them off, the tiny bit remaining always manages to touch me and I hate it. 😩

Do tags bother you?

@actuallyautistic

image: unknown

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@morten yes! I love when the label isn’t sewn into a seam for easy removal. I seen to always forget the places I’ve bought those clothes 😅

@autism101 @actuallyautistic

loops , to ActuallyAutistic group
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

I think I figured out why many of us (myself included) are ok with rules that make sense, and find it very hard to go along with rules that feel arbitrary or lack any reason:

Many rules require me to compromise myself somehow. So if it’s going to force me to get further from being my authentic self, there had better be a good reason - that’s painful and harmful.

Does that make sense?

@actuallyautistic

dimly_lit_room , to ActuallyAutistic group
@dimly_lit_room@neurodifferent.me avatar

@actuallyautistic

Something about communication that confuses me. In real life or in person I should say, we can't jump into a conversation with a group of strangers easily if at all. It's frowned upon and considered weird. Yet social media is mostly made up of this. Why is there a difference? Why is it acceptable to jump in online? I'm glad it is though or I'd never be able to talk to people.

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@dimly_lit_room I think the aceptability of it offline has a lot to do with culture, which varies quite a bit. The implicit expectation in some cultures is, of course, that conversations in public are treated as private unless formally invited.

Social media was pretty much set up to facilitate conversation. It's embedded in the cultural expectation of use that people will jump in and contribute - especially to a public post.

(which is why I find it odd when I see posts asking not to have replies, or for people not to engage in other ways - makes me wonder, why post it?)

@actuallyautistic

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@dweebish I’m really trying to understand, but if getting it while being closed for discussion is the point, isn’t something like a journal entry better? Or of the point is really about making it public, something more like an article or blog post, rather than into a format where comments and discussion are the central feature?

Like I get you might not want someone to engage, but using a tool made for people to engage with each other l, instead of one that fits the type of sharing you’re looking to do, seems like a mismatch.

@dimly_lit_room @actuallyautistic

nettle , to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic

Do you have an easier time taking care of the needs of others than yourself?

If so, do you have (or know of) any theories for why you work that way?

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@nettle yes

There’s certainly some truth in the people pleasing angles - valuing others needs above our own, etc

For me, it feels way more gratifying to help someone I care about than to “just do a boring chore”

I want to help the people I love. I want to help me, too, to be sure: it just feels different. Not satisfying. A slog. Endless.

Each time I help someone else, it’s ‘once’ - no matter how frequently it happens. For me though? I must ceaselessly prepare food almost as soon as I’ve finished. It’s a slog, not a gratification. So doing the task doesn’t feel like I’ve lifted a burden from myself - just taken a step toward the next one.

There’s more to it, too, with my ADHD executive dysfunction.

@actuallyautistic

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@samadeleine rhetorical perhaps, but a good question: maybe I failed to express it but in my case it’s the former in the context of ‘doing things for others is easier than for myself’ - I help because it feels good.

If I fear the reactions, it feels like a chore / demand, and that makes it much harder to do. Free will, rather than requirement to act, makes all the difference to being able to choose to do it to give good to the people I love.

@nettle @actuallyautistic

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

If Kurt Vonnegut wasn't autistic, he certainly understood it.

This is one of the most powerful pieces of writing i've found. MIT used to have a condensed version that reads better, but they took it down. It's a commencement speech from 1981 about guessers, and information, and Ignatz Semmelweiss. Not sunscreen.

Worth the time, even in its long form:

https://versailles1.tripod.com/hampton.html

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@Uair @actuallyautistic It's funny, given how much had changed between the 50s and the 80s, just how relevant this still is (give or take the accuracy of the generational references)

When you fold on what you know to be true just to keep someone happy, you're encouraging that type of thinking. That being liked is better than doing good. It's easy for some to shrug, accept that "everyone is doing it" and move on - but it's not majority acceptance that chooses truth.

Thank you for sharing - this is likely a story I'll remember for a long time

loops , to actuallyAuDHD group
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

Today I want to do everything, because it’s all interesting, and ofc I panic because one little loops cannot actually fit everything, and then I am aaaaaa so I don’t want to be doing anything but then I am simultaneously understimulated from doing nothing and overwhelmed by the task of selecting something and overstimulated by the panic of not being able to pick something. You could say it’s off to a start.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. Aaaaaaa

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @actuallyaudhd

loops , to actuallyadhd group
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@actuallyadhd do we have a word for “not ADHD” the same way that “allistic” means “not autistic”? It can be really handy to differentiate from straight neurotypical, imo

loops OP ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@GTMLosAngeles I have to admit I don’t really identify with ‘kinetic’ myself much - if anything I feel I don’t move enough.

From the point of view of adopting ‘kinetic’ as an alternative to ADHD, I see why it’s a good term though

@actuallyadhd

loops , to ActuallyAutistic group
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

It’s usually really hard for me to differentiate my experience of being from being , but I just realised a major way that they interact:

I do autistic masking - e.g. at a job, or at school - but only while it’s novel. Once I’ve been somewhere a while, I lose the attention span required to do it, and lose all interest - idk if this is more common among folks than others, I’m often left feeling like “I don’t mask” whereas really it’s “often, I can’t mask due to my impulsivity”

@neurodivergents @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @actuallyaudhd

loops OP ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@MrBerard it’s often the reason folks remark “it was so good at the start, what changed?” I got tired and thought I could trust you, I guess. Or forgot to check if I could.

I guess it could be fuelled by lots of things, I was ascribing it here to ADHD because it seems to have had a relatively constant shelf life over my life. A couple months tops, then I can’t keep up the interest.

Not that I’d call it a failure of (me) masking. Imo the expectation of masking is a failure of society.

I like (paraphrased) ‘run of the mill outrageous fortune’

@neurodivergents @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @actuallyaudhd

loops , to neurodivergents
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

For me, the most accommodating environment is one where I can get things done "eventually" - not on a timer.

This makes finding tech work hard - the output is often sold well in advance, with a promise to deliver that logically, it feels is futile - even if you did everything in your power, weather and worse happens and can't always be accounted for.

It's even worse when folks assume my capability is the same as theirs - another thing that feels like an obvious error, from my point of view.

@neurodivergents @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd @actuallyadhd

EmilyMoranBarwick , to ActuallyAutistic group
@EmilyMoranBarwick@mastodon.social avatar

To my fellow or otherwise folks…

I would appreciate any tips on how to use Mastodon without it causing overwhelm/getting lost in it.

🧠My blend of has a REAL hard time with this kind of platform (never got Twitter either), but I’m drawn to the community & connection here.

I’m like instantly a confounded 105-year-old when it comes to Mastodon/Twitter 🙃

Ps - I’ve seen @actuallyautistic but not clear how that even works

loops ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@EmilyMoranBarwick I suspect some of the source of misinformation is things have changed over time.

Specifically with hashtags, I heard that that’s why the groups (like @actuallyautistic) exist - because it’s an account, not a hashtag, then if you follow it then you’re guaranteed to see everything posted to it, which might not have been the case with hashtags. I’m not an expert though, so I’m afraid I can’t give you a certain answer 😅 sorry.

loops , to ActuallyAutistic group
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

I don’t think I’m able to live 100% independently, but I also have no idea how to communicate this to anyone who might need to know as a way of me getting help

I’m able to communicate verbally and express myself eloquently, as well as understand jokes and superficial social settings - so any troubles I do have are usually interpreted as me not trying hard enough. How do I convince people that, no, I need assistance doing this thing - not assistance trying harder at the thing?

@neurodivergents @actuallyautistic

loops OP ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@ephant @wakame @actuallyautistic @neurodivergents yes! ‘Task chaining’ sounds logical on paper, but doesn’t account for the Dread of Many Things to Come (™️) which makes starting tasks with subsequent parts hard

love the reminder, I feel for me if they don’t go off right as I have time / am not occupied, they don’t really register 😅

loops OP ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@Jobob @ephant @actuallyautistic @neurodivergents yes! I remember a workplace I was at reacting to me sharing some needs like ‘I can be better prepared and need less answers in a meeting if I’m given at least a day to prepare and a description of what is expected at that meeting’ with ‘that’s fair and reasonable, but not how we currently work, so what are you going to do about it, we can’t change the whole company?’

loops OP ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@ephant @Jobob @actuallyautistic @neurodivergents this is more or less precisely what I feel I need, it’s convincing the people in charge of those resources that I need and deserve them that is the hard part

loops OP ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@wilbr @GTMLosAngeles @actuallyautistic @neurodivergents well, it’s almost impossible to tell externally sometimes - which is why assuming the worst of people (and not accepting their explanation in favour of one’s own interpretation when they are able to provide it) can be quite harmful.

Internal vs external as I use it is about the way the individuals’ processes work rather than about a choice to mask or hide - itself quite damaging, when possible

I’m really not sure what you’re trying to talk about with boundaries. You do understand that meltdown is usually referring to a state in which an autistic individual is so dysregulated that they can be functionally not in conscious control of their actions? That’s what makes it a meltdown. I’m not sure what cognitive processes you expect would be available under these circumstances 😅

loops OP ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@zyz US law doesn't apply globally - and, even if it did - in my experience you still have to convince a person. Sure the law says they have to but that just means they're breaking the law. To hold them accountable you need lawyers etc. @actuallyautistic @neurodivergents

loops OP ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@GTMLosAngeles Once we’ve gotten to the point where the discussion is about how to manipulate information to get what we are legally granted / entitled to, then I don't think we're in the realm of being respected as a human being anymore @wilbr @actuallyautistic @neurodivergents

loops OP ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@wilbr Requiring folks to be calm and rational to be taken seriously about their needs is tone policing and can be very harmful to people in distress, who might need a sympathetic ear most.

I see now that we were talking different 'demand's, thank you for clarifying
@GTMLosAngeles @actuallyautistic @neurodivergents

loops OP ,
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@wilbr ain't that the truth 💚@GTMLosAngeles @actuallyautistic @neurodivergents

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