@wakame@tech.lgbt cover
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

wakame

@wakame@tech.lgbt

I put bugs in software. Master of half-finished projects.
Irony is my default setting.
Hate factories, but love conveyor belts.
Buzzword-Driven Development.

Edible.
Totally not a robot.
Definitely not a mouse.

Pan-Demi-Sexual, not Pandemic-Sexual.

// Your Plastic Pal Who's Fun to Be With
#YesBots

// Cats of all sizes also welcome
#YesKittens #YesCats #YesTigers

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tine_schreibt , to ActuallyAutistic group German
@tine_schreibt@literatur.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Can someone please explain why in the assessment of the level of support needs, it's all about social and routines/repetitive behaviours, and there's nothing about how sensory overwhelm is a Very Big Problem for many autistics?
I can deal with the social stuff (avoid) and the routines/rb (don't do them in public), but the sensory storm of going to the store is A Real Problem for me.

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@tine_schreibt @v_d_richards @actuallyautistic

Ich rate mal: Das DSM dient der Diagnose und "es stellt durch explizite Kriterien sicher, dass derselbe Patient möglichst überall dieselbe Diagnose bekommt" (1)

Und da ein Arzt sensorische Überlastung nicht sehen und anfassen kann, ist es aus Sicht des DSM vermutlich "unwichtig".

(1) https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

I've been trying to understand what it means that an autistic brain is bombarded with so much information. We spent some time at our summer cottage and I think I got some insight in this.

Instead of seeing the lake in front of my eyes, everywhere I looked I saw a detail. Its size would vary but it would still be a detail. A swan there, its partner there, no leaves on that tree yet, what a cool pattern on the small waves, what does it look like when I move my eyes this way, or that way, a car on the opposite shore, the shadow of the tree, I wonder what seagulls those are etc. A new detail with every single glance.

At the same time my attention tried to keep track of the dog and listened to birds singing and bumblebees flying around.

Now I wonder what it feels like just to see the lake.

@actuallyautistic

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@jacquiharper @alexisbushnell @roknrol @Zumbador @melindrea @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic

I would argue that it's a back-and-forth anyway. Especially with more technical stuff, I write a kind-of outline first, (actually bullet points with sub-points, where each bullet point is a short sentence). That way, I have short, simple sentences that I can move around until it "fits", then turn everything into text.

But in any case, the important thing is "figuring out what to say". And that is a process, not a single step. So "writing a first draft, then iterating until it fits" is IMHO the "normal" way to do it anyway.

Dr_Obvious , to ActuallyAutistic group German
@Dr_Obvious@chaos.social avatar

@actuallyautistic
I had my appointment for ADHD treatment today. With regards to ADHD that went quite fine. Some check ups need to be done, but there is no questioning on that.

Sadly he thought it would be calming information for me that I don't appear autistic to him...

I told him that I really don't appreciate that comment and that there are aspects about my personality and history that can best be explained by autism and that he can't see anything from that in our half hour talk.

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@Dr_Obvious @Georgy @actuallyautistic

I am more like a chicken-sized pseudodragon. I wear my humanface and sometimes try to imitate chicken noises so the chickens wearing humanfaces can be more at ease. And sometimes I accidently breathe fire, which destroys any illusion others could have.

andrew_chou , to Random stuff
@andrew_chou@toot.cafe avatar

Today's random wikipedia page:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-English-based_programming_languages

stemming from recent thoughts I've had wondering what makes a programming language more "internationalizable". I consider myself very grateful that English is my first language and thus the barrier to entry and progression is much lower, but what about the rest of the world?

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@andrew_chou
I learned to program when I was 9 and didn't know any english.

One could likely write books about the lacks and problems of qbasic.exe, the ms-dos basic interpreter.

For me, the online help (in my native tongue german) helped me to understand and write my first programs.

Of course, the keywords were all weird, but then it was a magic language to talk to the computer, so it was "obvious" that the words would be a little bit strange. And wouldn't make sense in my language.

So intuitively, the words "PRINT" and "GOSUB" are both "equally normal english words". :blobcatgiggle:

Georgy , to AcademicChatter group
@Georgy@neurodifferent.me avatar

I just started reading this article and in general ( since I just started reading) I like the language, their mindfulness, and participatory action research. I celebrate and thank the authors. We need more of this. Still, this made me laugh aloud ( with pain): “ To ensure that differences in learning and cognition were due to neurodiversity, both neurodivergent and neurotypical participants had to have no diagnosis of any mental health condition.”

Does ‘Not being diagnosed’ really mean no PTSD, no anxiety( the kind of anxiety that can’t be used to motivate one’s self, the kind that is crippling so much that one only survives through), no depressive periods at least? Maybe it is, if one is diagnosed very early and lived in very supportive, welcoming environments. I hope it is.

And ( not addressing this particular article but in general) what about people who are not officially diagnosed and who don’t even know they are neurodivergent yet? How are we going to or how can we reach them and make their voices heard?

Here is the article: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC11020716/

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistics @academicchatter

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@Georgy @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistics @academicchatter

To me, this sounds okay for a focus group thing. If it was a larger study with actual statistics involved, the word "ensure" hopefully result in a stern remark by the reviewers.

AnAutieAtUni , to ActuallyAutistic group
@AnAutieAtUni@neurodifferent.me avatar

Autism and Assessments:

Being autistic means (to me) to not be a natural at ‘reading between the lines’. This means that an assessment must be well defined for me to have a fair chance of doing my best at it. If it isn’t well defined, then I am also being tested on how well I can understand the assessment, which will be sheer luck at that point.

I’m currently in the impossible position where an assessment for my degree has 1 essential criterion that is absolutely vague.

PLUS only 1 member of staff knows what they meant when they wrote it.

AND they just refused my request for clarification “because the cohort is too big for individual questions”. 🤯

This whole set up is stressing me out to the max. I cannot begin the assessment without understanding this first criterion. If I get it wrong, I could be marked down - or worse.

I am so stressed I am not sleeping. I can’t see a way forward, not even other staff who could help. It feels like an impossible situation.


@actuallyautistic

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@AnAutieAtUni @actuallyautistic

Very relatable. I had similar situations in the past.

IMHO: This is just ableism from that member of staff. If they don't want questions, they should be more explicit in what they write. They are scientists, after all.

The most important thing from my perspective: The way you currently feel is "valid". There is a problem, but it's not you.

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@AnAutieAtUni @actuallyautistic

Maybe this member of staff "wants to be independent" as it allows them to "downplay" their dyslexia ("See, I can work 'normally' without someone helping me.").

This is just a gut feeling, of course.

But it could lead to the kind of answer you got when asking for clarification.
Especially if this is a neurotypical person, who might subconsciously view every question as a kind of insult (because they likely were insulted for their dyslexia in the past).

I am totally abducting here from the little information I have, obviously.

From my experience: I had a colleague who as not good at writing english text (as a researcher). They exploded sometimes when they were asked questions about text they wrote, even if these were questions about the content, not the style.

Maybe "ableism" is the wrong word here. A "defense mechanism" maybe?

dorgaldir , to ActuallyAutistic group Dutch
@dorgaldir@mastodon-belgium.be avatar

I feel this so hard. Why can't people just be clear about what they want?
@actuallyautistic

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@Tooden @alstonvicar @zyd @miss__Tery @dorgaldir @actuallyautistic

Neurotypical definition of "right": It is only "right" if it matches my implicit requirements.

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@Jobob @Tooden @alstonvicar @zyd @miss__Tery @dorgaldir @actuallyautistic

This, of course, leads to how the typical neurotypical student/parent reacts:

"The teacher is always right, because they have a higher social standing."

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@apm77 @miss__Tery @zyd @dorgaldir @actuallyautistic

In school, I often had the feeling that an explanation by a teacher was like a paved road for neurotypical students.

For me, it was more like a river with slippery stones dropped in here and there.

And I kept wondering why the others didn't see the gaping holes in what was supposed to be a "road". How the things a teacher said didn't really "connect" to each other, requiring large leaps of faith.

Of course, neither students nor teachers were able to explain how that stone over there connects to this one right here.

Especially in math, often not only the explanations of the teacher, but also the materials were wrong.
(Shoutout to my math book insisting that "supremum" and "maximum" are the same thing.)

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@woozle @Jobob @Tooden @alstonvicar @zyd @miss__Tery @dorgaldir @actuallyautistic

Yep. School as a "social filter".
"The purpose of a system is what it does."

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@Frantasaur @apm77 @miss__Tery @zyd @dorgaldir @actuallyautistic

A great example, because you can turn it into a practical experiment, showing everyone that this is obviously wrong. :blobcatcomfyevil:

Sci_Fi_FanGirl , to ActuallyAutistic group German
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Oh fuck. Throughout the last few weeks I had some time off and I used it to work on my blog, reflecting on a few things...

All this was good, but it also triggered painful memories and I started to vaguely recall some events in childhood. When they come up, I feel like crying, but I can't access all of the memory. Don't know if it's a trauma-response or if I'm overreacting.

Now I feel I have to address this stuff, but it's overwhelming and I'm afraid of dealing with it.

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@Sci_Fi_FanGirl @nddev @innervisioner @actuallyautistic

maybe autocorrect on "mention".

servelan , to ActuallyAutistic group
@servelan@newsie.social avatar

That 'repetitive behavior' is frequently an autistic person's attempt to self-calm, not something that needs to be medicated away...not sure I'm ok with this.

Groundbreaking Study Reveals Autism’s Genetic Triggers and Therapeutic Hope @actuallyautistic
https://scitechdaily.com/groundbreaking-study-reveals-autisms-genetic-triggers-and-therapeutic-hope/

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@BernieDoesIt @servelan @actuallyautistic

"They found that vafidemstat improved the social deficits in the mutant mice and had an exceptional rescuing effect by changing the expression levels of the differentially expressed genes to their normal expression level."

So not relevant to autistic people after all, since we don't have "social deficits".

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@masukomi @BernieDoesIt @actuallyautistic

Typical "double empathy" problem.
If I went just by my gut feeling, I would conclude that most neurotypical people actively resist using their brains, maybe to keep it in pristine condition.

MrBerard , to Firefox
@MrBerard@pilote.me avatar

I have conflicting feelings; I'd like to know yours, delightful community of misfits, weirdos, and worse.

Here we go:

Vertical Tabs ??? (in a browser: , )

Please boost for visibility.

I'm pushing this to @actuallyadhd and @actuallyautistic because of the information processing angle. (More in first comment)

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@MrBerard @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic

I normally use only 2-3 tabs at most.
Otherwise it's like having too much stuff on my desk (which I am actually guilty of, but that's more due to "too distracted to clean up").

Might go up to 8 when looking up tech stuff.
But otherwise, tabs are simply a waste of my processing power. So I keep them at a minimum.

foone , to Random stuff
@foone@digipres.club avatar

People are always telling me I'm "basic" but they won't clarify if they mean like qbasic or visual basic or one of the 8bit micro basics?

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@foone
If they mean QuickBasic.exe and not Qbasic.exe, they imply that you compile but produce a lot of overhead.

transponderings , to ActuallyAutistic group
@transponderings@autistics.life avatar

Autistic people and people who think they might be autistic!! Do you feel awkward saying names? Does it stress you out to use someone’s name in conversation? 🤔

(This is a verbatim copy of a YouTube poll posted earlier by Meg @ I’m Autistic Now What?)

Feel free to boost and comment to clarify your response if you need to 😊

@actuallyautistic

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@vger @sal @actuallyautistic @transponderings @Dr_Obvious @alstonvicar @twan

Which perfectly pairs with typical insults like "Why don't you just try harder?" or "I don't see how a bit of noise should distract you from doing X." that many of us have internalised.

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@enoch_exe_inc @vger @actuallyautistic @transponderings @Dr_Obvious @alstonvicar @twan

I am only realizing now that some of the things I have done intuitively/automatically for a long time are "stress reducers".

  • Lowering the blinds because I can't stand bright lights: I knew I liked it darker, but I am still astonished how much better it makes me feel.
  • Earplugs: Before putting them in, I think I will feel ~5% better. It's actually more like 25%.

Doesn't keep all noise out, but is definitely an improvement.

Tim_McTuffty , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Tim_McTuffty@beige.party avatar

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 162 , Monday 08/04/2024

TL:DR My mother warned me there’d be days like this ! (Not really she never knew I was autistic .)

Up at 5:45am, not by choice I might add!

Breakfast, being abused by the mogs & then chores started the day.

It’s really weird what triggers me.
So our new neighbours across the street from us (who I have met 1 half of (Bev) once ) asked us to be key holders while they are away for 2 weeks . Which is fine.

Me being me started doing the job properly & popping over of a morning & of an evening just to check it was all locked up.

Just went over (circa 10am) & did my checks & it turns out they have a Ring doorbell.
I’m walking away & this voice shouts out ‘Hello?’
Long story short, it turns out it’s Ian , Bev’s hubby (who I have yet to meet) wondering why I’m wandering around the property. I explain & it’s all good.
Only it isn’t … I feel like I’ve been caught burgling the place , anxiety levels are thru the roof & I’m close to closing down as I write this.
It has destroyed the whole morning - I KNOW this is illogical, I KNOW I’m catastrophising but I cannot shake the feeling I have done something wrong !
I don’t want to feel this way again so I will be giving the place a once over from our front door for the duration.

So spent the afternoon on ESO hiding away form the world !

Final Thoughts.

I always thought the catastrophising was a function of my depression , now I’m not so sure. I do know that social interaction with anyone I don’t know freaks me out.
Humaning is hard - am Squirrel !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@janisf @Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic

IMHO: It is very important for NTs to be part of the "in group".
And that means being "normal". Or at least, successfully faking "normal".

Therefore, any kind of misunderstanding is a danger, because if two NTs misunderstand each other, then obviously one is not "normal", because all "normal" people share this imagined objective truth/worldview/culture thing.

With an NT and an ND, the blame obviously lies with the ND, because otherwise the NT would have failed to be "normal" (or fake it good enough). Therefore, the misunderstanding must be the NDs fault.

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@janisf @Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic

This assumes that it is a social interaction between two individuals.

I think NTs (always/most of the time) see themselves as part of a large group (with shared rituals/culture).

So this interaction actually becomes one between a representative of a large group (the NT) and an ND.

Therefore, if we divided up the "blame" equally, then that whole large group's culture has a fault in it, which invalidates the group...

Like if a group created e.g. the word "Peace" in huge letters by laying out stones or sticks (or whatever) and then somebody came by and said: "Btw: You wrote 'Pease', not 'Peace'."

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@artemis @janisf @Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic

I think it is a purely social category.

IMHO: "Normal" is the belief that people should adjust themselves to become more average.

And I think from an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense that a social group "tries" to be homogeneous. This then becomes "our culture" (as opposed to e.g. the primitive superstitions of those other group of people over there).

A group of humans works together like a network of computers: By installing/speaking the same protocols and adhering to the same rules.

In a way, cultural norms are simply software.

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@punishmenthurts @Tim_McTuffty @janisf @actuallyautistic

I think we are generally speaking about stereotypes or "common patterns".

Personally, I find myself starting nearly every sentence with an "IMHO" or a "often" or similar qualifier, so it doesn't become an absolute statement.
(Which is sometimes a bit exhausting to me, but writing absolute statements is a bit... painful for me.)

But I interpret the posts in a discussion as a hermeneutic "groping for truth in the dark", not a set of absolute statements.

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@Tim_McTuffty @artemis @janisf @actuallyautistic

I like the model/idea of swarm behavior.

There have been some computer simulations with fish swarms consisting of "follower fish" and "ADHD fish". (I am simplifying more than a bit here.)
Follower fish follow other fishes, ADHD fish swim... somewhere. Or turn around at a moments notice.

So basically, with about 10-20% ADHD fish and rest follower fish, typical swarm behavior happened: The swarm moved around, changed directions, successfully fled predators, etc.

Less ADHD fish, and everyone swam directly into the predators maw.

More ADHD fish, it wasn't a swarm, just chaos.

And from an "armchair social science" perspective: We have a large group of humans who like to sit around the campfire and talk and interact.
Then there is a small group that is better adapted to low light, that doesn't like noise, that will naturally assume "sentinel" positions around the camp.

Not sure how fact-grounded this idea is, but it at least makes a nice picture.

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@llPK @artemis @janisf @Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic

At least for me, these analogies "make sense", because they offer a simplified model to talk about a complex topic.

But: Since I have a computer science background, I simply apply my accustomed way of thinking to this topic.

Though I must confess that I find a lot of social science stuff... imprecise and "wordy". A prejudice, no doubt.

AnAutieAtUni , to ActuallyAutistic group
@AnAutieAtUni@neurodifferent.me avatar

I’m trying to rewire my brain to fully accept that a huge number of people use the word neurodiverse to mean neurodivergent and so I want to accept that neurodiverse = neurodivergent. I think it’s time to do this as it’s everywhere. My brain knows it’s not a synonym and keeps fighting this, though!

My way of reasoning with this is that language has never been static. The diversity of people using it, the diverse range of influences on it, all the creative brains coining new terms or new meanings for existing ones… even the most rigid of language rules can have exceptions to their rules!

Anyone else struggle with this?!

@actuallyautistic

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@androcat @Susan60 @Dr_Obvious @AnAutieAtUni @actuallyautistic

I would argue that "normal" in this context is neither something statistical nor based on objective criteria.
I think it's an "ideal" or even an "idol".

There are people that assume/believe that "being normal" is something good. So they try to conform to this "ideal of normalcy".

Maybe one could state it as "people praying to the average" and "people who are unwilling/unable to conform to the average".

KitOz , to ActuallyAutistic group
@KitOz@c.im avatar

I was noticing that my cat and I seem to share some behaviors, which made me wonder if cats aren't a little bit autistic. Or maybe I'm a little bit cat?

Which gave me the idea to come up with a facetious self-assessment quiz: Are you autistic, or are you a house cat?

Take the quiz to find out!

@actuallyautistic

https://kitozbooks.com/2024/04/autistic-or-a-house-cat/

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@Susan60 @sentient_water @KitOz @actuallyautistic

The big difference: Dogs have been domesticated (and lost a part of their intelligence that way), cats simply found a soft spot and sat on it.

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Autistic Masking demands we hide our authentic selves, leading to a profound disconnection and erosion of mental health.

It's like holding a mirror that reflects someone else's image.

There is a toll of constantly performing and the relief found in being our true selves.

@actuallyautistic

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@enoch_exe_inc @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic

The concept of "normal human behavior" is simply a purity test. It is designed to identify and expose those "who do not belong".

That's why the word "social" derives from the latin word for "allies".

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@haui @enoch_exe_inc @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic

[Just making sure: This is not intended as criticism or a joke or something similar.]

Interesting. I just realized that I had an assumption "how threads work".
But I think I had never seen that explicitly mentioned. And there are at least two other models that would also be consistent.

My model: The first post kinda defines the topic, like... making soup by starting with a pot and adding e.g. broth or mashed potatoes or some other "base".
Then the replies expand on that, by adding ingredients.
These ingredients can either be "consistent" or not with the original base, and the distinction obviously depends on individual taste.

Another model could be: A reply may have a strong connection to the post it replies to, but a weaker connection to other posts "up the chain" of the thread.

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@haui @enoch_exe_inc @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic

The autistic experience of: Everyone has read this magical book that contains all the rules of "proper" behavior, only they don't share what the book is called or where to find it.

Dr_Obvious , to ActuallyAutistic group German
@Dr_Obvious@chaos.social avatar

@actuallyautistic
From tomorrow on weed will be legal in Germany. So there were lot of discussions about it. Inspired by all the discussions I was thinking about giving it a try as kind of self medication. But there are pros and cons.

But since this a polarizing topic, I feel many ressources are spoiled and biased on both sides. It appears that the quality of information appears to be reciprocal to the emotions involved.

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@Dr_Obvious @actuallyautistic

You mean discussions in the general public?

Typical "culture meets facts" stuff. Personally, I hope it will help with my chronic pain.

I see it mostly from a cultural perspective: Cannabis was outlawed because racism.

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@Dr_Obvious @actuallyautistic

Years ago, I went down a rabbit hole after I read an article about... some political discussion in the UK involving drugs.

So I looked at some facts.
Like this graphic on Wikipedia (referenced in https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Recreational_drug_use)

"Active/Lethal Dose Ratio and Dependence Potential of Psychoactive Drugs" A graph showing the severity of different drugs along those two axes. LSD, psilocybin and Marijuana are more in the "very low to moderate" region. Nicotine, Morphine and Heroin in the "high dependence potential" region.
ALT
  • Reply
    • wakame ,
    @wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

    @Dr_Obvious @actuallyautistic
    And I think the problems here are similar to e.g. LSD:

    There is a high rumors-to-facts ratio, simply because it is illegal.
    And of course, illegal drugs are often mixed with a lot of nasty stuff, so any statistic of actual drug used is very likely skewed both in the "lethality" and in the "long term effects" direction.

    Personally, I think we should legalize all drugs. Alcohol is already legal and it is responsible for ~30x the number of deaths (in Germany) compared to all other drugs combined.

    Especially LSD as treatment for PTSD has been kept back for decades simply because "drugs bad".

    wakame ,
    @wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

    @Dr_Obvious @actuallyautistic

    Definitely. I am not arguing for "ignore your doubts and rush in".

    But for me, a lot of it sounds like it is based on morals and even ableism.

    For example, I (like many AD(H)D people) take amphetamines on a daily basis. The stories I hear from NT people about what it is supposed to do are very different to my experience.

    I think legalization will definitely be good for getting better data. So hopefully, in a few years, there will be a much better basis for one's decision to consume or not. 🐾

    innervisioner , to ActuallyAutistic group
    @innervisioner@mastodonapp.uk avatar

    An question: Do you ever get negatively judged , deemed a doomer or get a general bad reaction when you’re just being honest about something?

    Had this with someone the other day and it was a strong visceral reminder of one reason why I used to mask so hard I wouldn’t give my opinion on most stuff.

    @actuallyautistic

    wakame ,
    @wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

    @innervisioner @actuallyautistic

    Yep. Normal. Sometimes, there is just a vibe in the room that says "please don't voice anything that could be interpreted as criticism (and that includes constructive criticism)".

    I still do it, since that metal box with all the hardware in it that the other group just finish designing will overheat if it isn't changed.

    Someone in the other group says they "checked" to "make sure" it doesn't, my input is ignored.

    Two months later, the thing is built and overheats in 2 hours. Surprise.

    wakame ,
    @wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

    @innervisioner @actuallyautistic

    Well, that other group (actually "company") is well-known for their aversion to learn anything.

    But this was a while ago. Nowadays, I am way quicker to switch to "don't care" mode, as long as basic safety is observed.

    astrid , to Random stuff
    @astrid@fedi.astrid.tech avatar

    there are many types of girls who are blades

    • girl who is your sword
    • girl who is your halberd
    • girl who is your knife
    • girl who is your axe
    • girl who is your chainsaw
    • girl who is your blade (server)
    wakame ,
    @wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

    @astrid
    So... Boyfriend Dungeon with girls and a server? :blobcat_mlem:

    Autistrain , to ActuallyAutistic group
    @Autistrain@neurodifferent.me avatar

    I think it's time to write a little today.

    At the beginning of the week, I said I'm tired of “”professionals””. Let's dive the first case.

    For the context, we are speaking about a therapist who should be specialized in autism. This looks good, right? We should be confident in this therapist to give to autists good advices, having a neuro-affirmative approach.

    We have sitting in front of this therapist, a woman. She explains what it's happening in her life, her autistic experience of the world. In all of this, they are struggles with communicating with allistics.

    On this point, it's important that we can respect our style of communication. I see way too often that we have to learn communicating. No, we know how to communicate. We have the double empathy problem theory which explain it. We can couple it with monotropism to have a broader explanation. Note this essential part of the double empathy problem, it's thought in multiple ways. It's not just between two people in a discussion. It's between all the participant.

    All these mismatch and wrong expectations in communication impact the trust and the confidence in others.

    Speaking of trust and confidence, autist are more prone to trauma. Our experience of life can be so bad, we develop trauma in various way. We have as many ways as people, each experience being unique to the person.

    For autistic women, this is even more relevant as we have to see it through the prism of the gender and intersectionality.

    In the core of why I'm writing this are the words of a therapist. This therapist said that “everyone like compliment” to an autistic woman. The therapist didn't give further details on this assertion.

    We have to be precocious with this type of assertion. First, women in general and even more autistic women are vulnerable to manipulation. A type of manipulation in a toxic relationship is by giving compliments. This let to abuse in the relationship. Here, compliments can give the person trauma.

    With teasing and bullying at school and later in the life, compliment can wake up trauma. In this case, I don't think the person will like the compliment. We have to be careful.

    If we aren't confident in a person, the compliment from this person will not be well received.

    These short example shows us that compliment is perceived on an individual partially depending on our experiences. We can not generalize it like the therapist did.

    The second issue with “everyone like compliment” is that it can be interpreted as “a compliment is always good and nice”. This leads us to the example of manipulation of women by men in a toxic relationship.

    We also have to take in account that a therapist can have a figure of authority. This is giving to an autistic woman who as probably trauma that “everyone like compliment” without more precisions...

    I'm writing this because, someone came to me and asked for my opinion about “everyone like compliments”.

    We have a huge issue with professionals that aren't good for autistics, that don't know anything about autism. And, diplomas don't mean anything. Some university still teaches that Lovaas is right... What we need is a better training, a neuro-informed, trauma-informed training with open-minded therapists and where autists are the core in training and in the collaboration in the research.

    @actuallyautistic

    wakame ,
    @wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

    @melivia @Autistrain @actuallyautistic

    "Maybe you should pay me, since I am currently teaching you some important basics." :blobcatgiggle:

    hosford42 , to neurodivergence group
    @hosford42@techhub.social avatar

    Requirements to put in a job description to discourage or filter out autistic people:

    • Comfortable with ambiguity
    • Strong people skills
    • Good culture fit
    • Multitasking
    • A fast-paced dynamic environment
    • Bachelor's degree or better

    I see these things and think you don't want my >30 years of programming and machine learning experience, or my problem-solving skills and comprehensive knowledge that had people mistaking me for one of the team's PhDs, or my solutions that have proven patent-worthy. Your loss.


    @actuallyautistic
    @neurodivergence

    wakame ,
    @wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

    @yacc143 @pteryx @Uair @hosford42 @EVDHmn @actuallyautistic @neurodivergence

    Well, I was 9, so there is not much distance. Programming is something I "discovered" on my computer, after becoming bored with the chess program that was installed.

    Thankfully, DOS 6.22 had QBASIC (and I still think every computer should have at least some simple programming tools installed on principle).

    wakame ,
    @wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

    @Selena @yacc143 @pteryx @Uair @hosford42 @EVDHmn @actuallyautistic @neurodivergence

    Most practical problems of knowledge acquisition and teaching seem to be "emotional insults" anyway.

    If my self-worth depends on that "I am never wrong", it is actually quite brittle.

    At this point, one is not a seeker of knowledge, but a zealot who defends their own religion.

    wakame ,
    @wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

    @Uair @yacc143 @paulc @pteryx @hosford42 @EVDHmn @actuallyautistic @neurodivergence @Selena

    Yesterday, I found a thread about mathematical notation with some very weird perspectives. But could hold myself back from interacting (and thereby likely making both the posters and my life worse). :blobcatgiggle:

    The weirdest thing about math is that it was a religion until around 150 years ago and that we teach people calculus by memorization, not by understanding.

    (Which is why the first thing at the university is to unlearn all the mathematical misconceptions one has picked up so far. Which takes somewhere between 6 to 18 months...)

    wakame ,
    @wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

    @Uair @hosford42 @yacc143 @pteryx @EVDHmn @actuallyautistic @neurodivergence

    Especially with HTML/web stuff:
    Don't worry about writing something wrong, nobody really knows how to build web pages.
    Which is why ~3.7% of the top million web pages meet common accessibility criteria.

    wakame ,
    @wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

    @punishmenthurts @Uair @yacc143 @paulc @pteryx @hosford42 @EVDHmn @actuallyautistic @neurodivergence @Selena

    I'm averse to memorizing shit I don't understand.

    Same. Either it makes sense or I don't even bother.

    wakame ,
    @wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

    @lispi314 @actuallyautistic @Uair @pteryx @EVDHmn @yacc143 @hosford42

    The definitions sound similar in English, but I will take the german word "Kompetenz" (competence) as example:

    Meaning 1: Having the ability, knowledge etc. to do something.

    Meaning 2: Having (assigned) rights to do something.

    So you can be competent (meaning 2) while being completely incompetent (meaning 1).

    wakame ,
    @wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

    @yacc143 @dpnash @foolishowl @shannonpersists @skye @pteryx @hosford42 @EVDHmn @actuallyautistic @neurodivergence

    Since it's a big, burning gas thing, the definition of "whole" might be a problem by itself.

    wakame ,
    @wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

    @hosford42 @ScriptFanix @artemis @actuallyautistic @neurodivergence

    [I am one of those people who look up the meaning of words all the time, because... how else would know what is meant...]

    I think "disability" by itself sounds like "somene is lacking an ability" or "is impaired wrt an ability".

    We all lack the ability to fly (present crows excluded).
    So this quickly turns into the question "which abilities are expected by society?".
    Because that ultimately defines "disability".

    In my case (AuDHD), I am overwhelmed with information most of the time. So "watching a video", "hearing" or even "looking at a graphical user interface" is stressful for me.

    Also, I am clearly "disabled" in the "following arbitary rules" department, because I simply can't simulate the decision process that neurotypical people use to discern between important und unimportant rules.

    But: I don't think that's (only) a "me" problem. IMHO having many people with disabilities means that societies expectations need to be reworked.

    wakame ,
    @wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

    @hannu_ikonen @hryggrbyr @hosford42 @actuallyautistic @neurodivergence

    IMHO all Datas would likely be like an "all autistics" convention:
    Data 1: I have considered trying to make "soup".
    Data 2: Interesting. Are you going to take a random recipe or will you apply a more statistical approach?
    Date 3: And how will you evaluate the result? Maybe you could build a sensor that imitates "tasting"...

    Now I wonder if there are any ADHD coded/matching characters in TNG, because none come to mind...

    pathfinder , to ActuallyAutistic group
    @pathfinder@cutie.city avatar

    @actuallyautistic

    I once wrote about how it was not unrealistic, to think that there was no such thing as an un-traumatised autistic. About how so many of us have known bullying and persecution simply for being different. Not even always for what we may have said or done, but often for simply standing out; in all the ways we didn't even know we were. How just simply being, was so often an excuse to be attacked or punished.

    But the more I learn and understand about being autistic. The more I realise that so much of my trauma and the scars that were left, came not from this overt pain, but from the covert well-meaning of others. From my parents and relatives, from friends and teachers. From all the advice and instruction I have received over the years that was meant to shape me in the right way. As a child, to teach me how to grow up, how to behave and act. What was expected and what wasn't. And then, as an adult, how I was supposed to be and how a successful life with me in it was supposed to look. It was all the rules I was supposed to learn, all the codes I was supposed to follow. How to act, how to speak, what to feel, when to feel it. What I was supposed to do and how I was supposed to be.

    Not in any unusual way. Not in any way that you weren't supposed to raise a child, well a normal child anyway. That's what make this so covert. If you were trying to do this to a child knowing that they were autistic, then it's overt abuse. It is ABA, it is infantilising and punishing a child for always failing to become something, that they had no more chance of becoming than a cat has of becoming a dog. But for those of us who didn't know we were autistic. It was simply the constant hammering of someone trying, without even realising it, to fit a round peg into a square hole.

    For me, it was also not even knowing that I was different, it was always thinking that I shouldn't be. That I should be able to learn what I was being taught, that I should be able to follow the guidance. That if I failed to act in the right way, or react for that matter, that it was my fault. All the patient sighs and familiar looks, becoming just a reinforcement of any failure. Even being told off for the simplest things, becoming a reminder. If I dropped something, or tripped in the wrong place, then it became my fault. Being myself, so often became acting out. Saying what I thought, became being rude or inappropriate. Simply existing became fraught with the possibility and danger of being wrong.

    Is it any wonder that so much of my life has been about trying to justify myself in the light of this, of trying to become that "good dog". Of judging myself against an impossible standard. A constant lurching from one bad to choice to another, and always because I thought they were the right ones. And for each new failure and inability to even come close, another scar, another reminder of what I wasn't. Further proof that my self-esteem was right to be so low. Of how of much of a bad person I was. That I couldn't even be a proper son or brother or friend. That I couldn't even be what I was supposed to be, let alone what I should become.

    Looking back, I can't help thinking about how much of my life I spent living this way; of trying not to repeat the sins of my past. Of not repeating the actions or behaviour that led to those past failures and trauma. Of, in fact, all the effort I put in to not being myself. Because that, I realise now, was what I was trying to do. I was that round peg and trying to hammer myself into the square hole. Because everything I had learnt had taught me to think that this was how you lived. That this was how you grew. And in so many ways, I can't help feeling angry about this. About the wasted years, about the scars I carry that were never my fault. About the way I was brought up, even though none of it was ever meant, but only ever well-meant.


    wakame ,
    @wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

    @Nuncio @pathfinder @actuallyautistic

    "Why should I care about what society wants?"

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